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Subject:
From:
Rachel Myr <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Mon, 17 Feb 2003 12:05:40 +0100
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I actively try to use words with positive associations when describing
babies, and I do use words that imply volition, but in a light-hearted way.
Obviously if I think there is a physiologic problem I will not ascribe that
to some desire on the baby's part to behave in a certain way, but even then
I can usually show the mother how what the baby is doing, serves the baby's
purpose, which is to survive and thrive as best s/he can.

Baby is not 'demanding' but 'eager' or even 'driven'; not 'fussy' but
'aroused'; not 'strong-willed' but 'determined'.
Not 'lazy' but 'relaxed' (often because mother's breasts are so 'generous'
that baby doesn't need to use good technique in the beginning, the milk is
forthcoming no matter what).  I do give in depth information on why it is
important to establish good technique, since the post partum hormones don't
last forever and babies need to maintain supply through effective feeds.

To explain why a baby wants to nurse often, I sometimes say 's/he likes your
milk so much s/he just wants it more and more'.  We have an expression in
Norwegian for what happens when you taste something good and just want to
eat more and more of it, and that seems to hit home well.

If the baby will not take a pacifier (a 'complaint' we see sometimes from
the parents) I point out the baby's discriminating, high-class palate.  This
baby can't be fooled by substitutes, s/he wants the real thing.  Rather than
perceiving the baby as difficult to satisfy, I think it helps for me to
model pleasure at the baby's behavior for its adaptiveness and its end
result: abundant milk supply and strong attachment to the mother.

The book 'Raising your spirited child' was a great source of inspiration to
me in choosing words to use.  Hearing that your baby is 'impossible to
satisfy' on the second day of life doesn't give you the best start.  Being
told your baby is not one of those dull, run-of-the-mill types that come 13
to the dozen seems more positive.  Never mind that no babies are dull, that
is beside the point.  Women have a heightened sensitivity for remarks during
labor and the first days after giving birth.  What we say, sticks in their
memories, no matter how right or wrong it is.  I want them to remember that
I 'liked' the baby as it was, and that I didn't take sides in an imagined
power struggle between mother and baby, but viewed them as being on the same
'side'.

Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway

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