I hadn't really been meaning to be reading lactnet but got sucked in 
by the TIME thing and realized it has been very much in the back of 
my consciousness, upsetting me.  For reasons touched on here in a 
general way that were brought home to me painfully close.

My 14yo challenged me in somewhat adolescent fashion following a 
helping call that she was unfortunately privy to (an emergency call, 
in the car).  Quite hostilely she wanted to know how long she had 
nursed and then what was "normal" and why she had not nursed for a 
"normal" length of time.  Much of this, I know, is unhappiness fed by 
my own mother who still -- so many years later! -- likes to jab my 
kid when I'm not around about how inappropriate she thinks it was for 
me to have bf my children for all of 3y11m.

Points I want to make are two:  (1) indeed to be careful of what we 
say.  Sometimes I wonder whether anyone really has the patience or 
wherewithall to notice the difference between terms discussed here 
like "long-term bf" and "extended bf", etc.  But I can testify that 
at least one adolescent sure does, and so my own callousness or 
cynicism about the terms is surely wrong.  I think this language does 
all matter.  I realize most if not all here are already convinced of 
this, but some of us more tangentially related to professional 
lactation may be more skeptical.

And (2) Susan, the challenge from my child and my own bumbling, 
stuttering response illuminated the wisdom of this:
"Really "mother-led" and "baby-led" need to be retired from the 
vocabulary.  We should all be talking about developing healthy 
responsive relationships.  In this way, we can move away from 
criticizing "styles" and move towards the specifics of actions that 
can enhance the development of the relationship in ways that are 
adaptive to the personalities of mothers and babies. "

My kid insisted on knowing what was "normal" and even if I could have 
come up with hard numbers for here and there, by country or region or 
whatever, it was all quite obviously not the point _at all_ in the 
immediate mother-daughter conversation.  What I wanted to say was: 
"it was right, it was time, we both felt it so ... you had to have 
been there (ha!)".  "Normal" was completely beside the point, as was 
range of experience or geographical or cultural differences in 
practice, etc, even though she was trying to cling to that notion. 
These statistics are fascinating and important for sure.  But in the 
decision of how or when to stop, that is a *relationship* thing, not 
a morbidity parameter.

On another note:  that 'happy boobs' video was sure fun.  And Jacqui: 
wow.  Your poem was beautiful; from a non-poem-kinda gal, I thank you.

Also:  Time may have been crass in its ploy for sales, but by 
whatever means I think any discussion of bf in prime-time is for the 
good.  Even if it involves really uncomfortable conversation with 
ones' teenagette.
-- 
	-S.

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