Re the Canadian psychologist who said children had to adapt to their own
culture/society -- NO, THEY DON'T!!!

Culture is the sum total of millions of individual decisions made every day.
  It is quite changeable and malleable.  You don't have to go along with the
status quo.  You may suffer for not going along with the status quo, or you
may change the status quo, if enough people have the gumption not to go
along.  Too often, people go along with the 'cultural norms' because they
think they are the only one who disagrees, when in fact, the majority of
people disagree, but everyone is too scared to say so.

A trivial example -- I have never worn makeup.  This flies in the face of
everything American cultural teaches women.  Have I ever been penalized for
not wearing makeup?  Well, I did get one student evaluation years ago saying
I "wasn't professional" because I didn't wear makeup.  Did I care?  NO!!
Probably there have been other occasions when people judged me lacking for
not wearing makeup, but whatever the consequences have been, I'm quite
willing to accept them for not wearing makeup.  I also walked around bald
when I was having chemo.  I got lots of weird looks, and people called me
"Sir," and some people criticized me for making others 'uncomfortable' with
my cancer.  Did I care?  NO!!

There are children sleeping with adults and nursing til 5 or 6 or longer all
over the US.  You can't say that there is one, narrowly-defined, US cultural
pattern for child rearing to which we all must adhere.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking that culture cannot be changed.  If
people had done this, we wouldn't have had the Civil Rights movement, or the
women's movement, we wouldn't have smoke-free workplaces and restaurants --
and we wouldn't even HAVE women doctors if many young women over the years
hadn't been willing to challenge the system.

Kathy Dettwyler


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