> Do we *need* the term "failed" so that the healthcare
> system can be really clear about what happened?  (They didn't choose
> formula-feeding, they were forced into it.)  Or do we *need* to avoid it?
>
> Are there those among us who've been on both sides of the fence?  What
> term(s) are you comfortable with and why?
>
I've been on both sides of the fence, and I think both these things are
true. (Yes, trust me:-) I think it can be good to use the term "failure"
among health care workers. For instance, when "Breastfeeding failure"
was put on my chart, it was helpful in avoiding problems in the next
birth. I would have objected to the strong language if I hadn't already
figured out the system, though. In other words, I didn't like thinking
of my situation as a "failure" no matter whose fault it was. Not because
it was a stigma, but because my worldview is such that I need to know
that we all do what we can. In meeting mothers where they are, I don't
think we need to reinforce that that place is "failure". I think we can
say a mother is facing challenges and reminding her they can be
overcome. In retrospect, she can shape her experience differently and
decide herself what it meant to her. I remember being very comforted by
adding a simple word, "No, they are not transferring milk well *yet*."

I agree that in different situations words have effects that are vastly
various. Saying that things are all right could result in complacency in
a health care worker's reaction but can be heard as much-needed
reassurance by a distraught mother. Reinforcing that breastfeeding is
not heroic but normal can help us make great strides on the societal
level but is of little comfort to a mother in excruciating pain or even
facing what we would consider a routine difficulty.

It's a bit like saying *the* exam is "entry level" -- yes, it is, but
not when you're in the last days before it, when it is huger in your
head than it ever will be afterwards. (Trust me, again.)
Let me add that discussing language with Diane Wiessinger is one of the
great pleasures in life. Thanks for this opportunity!

Signing *only* as a mother, here,
Jo-Anne Elder-Gomes, Canada


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