>I still cannot quite understand the
anti-attachment mentality of our society. Why are SO many people afraid of
being close to their babies. Beyond abused people who may have real issues
to deal with, what about mentally healthy people who just don't want to be
close to their kids. What is happening?>

I think the issues are power, control and immaturity.

Dr. David Elkind of Tufts University and author of The Hurried Child,  and
Mis-Education states in the  1997 summer issue of Tuftonia Today,
 “One of the most important parenting skills is to, on occasion, put the
child’s needs ahead of our own or at least treat them equally.  I think that
kids today feel that isn’t happening because everybody is doing their own
thing.  It’s not the quality or quantity of time parents spend with their
children that is important.  What children need to know and what truly
builds attachment, is the sense that their parents care enough about them to
make sacrifices on their behalf.  This gives kids a solid sense that they
are important in our lives.  Up until the mid-century the majority of
teenagers died from diseases, like TB and polio.  But today a comparable or
even greater number of adolescents die from stress-related causes, such as
substance-related automobile accidents, suicide, self-starvation, drug
overdoses.  I attribute this in part to the fact that a great many young
people today feel that their needs are not being met.”

Meeting a child’s needs does not diminish parental authority, it enhances a
parent’s credibility.  The power in parenting is in meeting the needs of a
child’s development appropriately so that s/he can grow up happy and
healthy, personally and socially.

Bottle feeding damages attachment.  It enables separation.  Attachment is
the foundation for personal and interpersonal development.  Breastfeeding
supports attachment.

It is also possible that her husband disapproves of breastfeeding because he
is not in control of her or it.  A study in the Journal of the American
Dietetic Association Chicago, November 1997 pp1311-1313 found that the
single most determinant factor in a woman's decision whether or not to nurse
her baby is her husband's acceptance and approval.

This mom is definitely at risk for post partum depression.  Encourage her to
keep talking and watch very closely for other risk factors.  Maybe nurturing
this mom will help her continue to nurse her baby.  Find resources to refer
her to if she is unable to eat, sleep and if the crying is increasing rather
than decreasing.  Many hospitals have ppd groups.

Joanne McCrory

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