Hi everyone,
I am a little behind on my posts but this just hit at the right moment I
love
Barbara Wilson Clay's post especially this sentence.. so very true:
"Once I relinquish control back to the proper parties, people most often
feel
pretty safe to consider what I have to say and to act on the suggestions.
It's funny how exerting too much control has exactly the opposite of the
desired effect."
Yesterday I saw a couple, it hit such an emotional chord. First thing dad
says,"she isn't going to breastfeed, she's only going to pump, I mean,
combination formula and breastmilk"...his mother sitting with pursed lips,
she says to me "what is wrong with formula? my perfect boys were raised on
it." I felt like I was in a competition, ready go, tell them everything you
know in 60 seconds..So I was challenged and defensive, trying to do the best
for this baby. So I launched into facts, quoting the AAP, elemental
superiority, mom/baby's health advantages, law of supply and demand, just
gave info to them. As they stared at me in wonder, I asked if, since she
wasn't going to breastfeed, to preserve her milk supply, could I get her a
pump? HE said, "no we will just start pumping at home"...uuuggghhh I was so
frustrated..then I detached. I said I have given you some of the information
about scientifically based benefits of breastfeeding, you are the parents
and your decision is the bottom line. Any breastmilk the baby will get will
be great for the baby, then I just let go. I could see mom's wheels turning,
she said "you gave us so much info, that was great, we didn't even take a
class or anything." Then he said "no one we know breastfeeds. Even the
pediatrician said it didn't make a difference, formula or breastmilk" The
previous attitudes of the people who are supposed to know, baby's dr. and
dad's mother, shaped their attitude. Sometimes we can do our very best, it
just isn't quite enough. They weren't going to act on any of my suggestions,
but maybe I opened the door a crack to some consideration on mom's part.
Then I left them...I was a bit disheartened. But it is their decision. I did
give them the Breastfeeding resource guide for more information and support.
I wanted so bad to protect the dyad, I was so vulnerable to getting
defensive, because I really care. But I had to detach and "relinquish
control back to the proper parties."
Thank you for your post Barbara,
Christy Whiteside IBCLC
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