I heard Niles Newton, shortly before her death, lecture on the fact that
chronic stress changes brain chemistry.  Sort of adrenal over-load.  Many of
us lead lives full of considerable stress, and perhaps some brains can
handle this better in the same way some immune systems are more able to lift
higher body burdens.

I think an un-mentioned thread in the discussion is the impact of untreated
alcoholism in families.  Adult children of alcoholics tend to be
perfectionistic, hard on themselves in terms of performance, to be
controlling as a way of protecting themselves and people they love from
harm, and to have intimacy and trust issues.  They also tend to be attracted
to and marry partners with addictive disorders that range from chemical
additions to workaholism.  There is nothing like pregnancy and childbirth to
tip the scale towards unendurable chaos, and to make it clear that the
alcoholic partner will not be there for them at this time in their lives.
Like the situations Kathy Dettwyler is referring to, these crises can be
terribly and justifyably depressing.   I've seen so many grieving women of
this description.  Many have never acknowledged these issues in their lives,
and are trying so hard to look good on the outside.  As painful as these
issues can be, not looking at them (with help) is so much worse than dealing
with them.  Sometimes, the person will need to have medication to help make
the pain manageable, but certainly therapy or 12 Step work will help with
healing because they ease the sense of isolation and shame that come with
dealing with alcoholism and with being mentally ill because of it.  Most of
us can recall times in our lives when we have been mentally or spiritually
ill, and we can share our experience and the hope that 'this too shall
pass'.  Just as physicians and social workers etc, should ask about physical
abuse, more people should be willing to ask the question:  are you affected
by the untreated alcoholism of someone in your family?  I ask that routinely
when I see depressed mothers.  Now obviously, I've built up some sort of
rapport before I "go there" and I can't think of a situation where gentle
counseling skills are more impt. than when dealing with a depressed mother.
But if no one ever lets women know where support can be found, all they ever
get is a
chemical solution. Which is better than nothing, but is by no means all
there is in the way of help.
 I have family members who have needed  medications and
counseling AND 12 step work, so I say:  bring on all the help there is.
People CAN change, and life is good.

Barbara Wilson-Clay, BSEd, IBCLC
Austin Lactation Associates, Austin, Texas
http://www.lactnews.com

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