Dear Debi,
Your suggestion for the mother to get a copy of MOTHERING YOUR NURSING TODDLER
is excellent. Though an older copyright for this fast-paced field, the
information and support are pure gold for a mother finding herself breastfeeding
a toddler - something few of us (in the US at least) ever intend to do at
birth!!
There are a few suggestions that this mother might want to consider before
complete weaning:
try putting the toddler to sleep on a pallet (futon, sleeping bag,
cushions from an old couch, etc.) right next to mother's side of the bed. Some
toddlers are *reminded* to ask to nurse in the night by the usual rolling and
thrashing of the bed's occupants. A mother can even nurse the toddler to sleep
on the pallet and then roll away when the wee one drifts off.
attempt to offer lots of liquid prior to going to bed to thoroughly sate
the child's thirst.
whenever the mother comes awake in the night to a request for nursing have
a cup of juice/water on the night stand handy to offer to the toddler first,
hoping to cut down the duration of the nursing.
just tell the toddler that the *milkies* (or whatever code word for
breastfeeding that they use) are tired and the toddler has to wait two mintutes.
What happens the first several nights is some negotiating and final capitulation
to the toddler's requests, but if you keep it up the toddler often reaches a
point where they reposition in the bed and fall back to sleep waiting. Some
mothers will tell their toddler after a song, then they'll nurse - if you can
muster a tune in the depths of the night - I often told my last that I had to go
to the bathroom and would be right back - when I returned she was asleep again.
So what I'm suggesting is some stalling strategy to cut back on the nighttime
nursings.
offer breastfeeding for *just two minutes*, then nurse for a time and say
that's all for now, but mom will rub your back, hum you to sleep, hug you, etc.
more sleep for the mother during the day is an obvious suggestion, but one
mothers frequently overlook - maybe taking a nap with the toddler in the
afternoon.
review with the mother feeding times during the day - maybe more frequent
meals, quieter mealtimes or more social mealtimes might encourage better eating
and less need to nurse at night.
review with the mother HER activity during the day - maybe more focused
attention, just mother and toddler time, is at the bottom of the toddler's
nighttime marathon nursings.
how warmly is the toddler dressed for bed - does s/he get hot and thirsty?
How warmly is the house kept (is it cold outside where she is?) and what is done
for humidity control. Has the toddler been in a house with a revolving cold/flu
among the family members - sometimes toddlers have an *instinct* to nurse more
often when they are exposed to illness, the thought is to boost their own
defenses.
can you suggest a mother-to-mother group with other nursing toddlers?
Sometimes we become tired of the night nursings because they are unexpected and
so contrary to our culture's messages to parents - is the mother worried about
an independent child? Talking to other mothers might allow her to vent enough
that the issue is no longer a problem.
finally talking about perspective with the mother - this time is such a
brief period in her mothering and her toddler's life. As the child's nursing
patterns have changed between birth and toddlerhood, so too will these patterns
continue to change and modify themselves over time. Was the nighttime like this
two or three months ago? Often requests for nursing vary in response to the
developmental tasks of the child at the time - mastering new activities
sometimes requires extra comforting during the night.
Hope some of this helps, Debi!!
Jeanine Klaus, MS, IBCLC, LLLL
Oakville, Ontario
mother of toddler nursing twins - who co-slept - and are now fifteen (it was
much easier then than now!!!) and a persistent nursling born 11 years later.
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