I am behind in my reading, but wanted to mention how much I am enjoying
the thread on pain and perceptions of pain. I think Jan and Regina are
absolutely right -- women are led to believe that childbirth,
breastfeeding and mothering are not supposed to be difficult, painful,
time-consuming or inconvenient. Indeed, working out is all those things
for many of us, and to say, "I tried to exercise, but it hurt, so I had
to stop," or "I just couldn't fit walking into my day, because I wanted
to be somewhere else too fast," would not be met with the same nod of
approval as would a mother talking about her epidural or latch or care
of her child. I am also interested in why some women resist or do not
share these expectations, and whether it is because "culture" is smaller
than we think and mothers pass on certain expectations to daughters. I
think my parents, despite doing a modified version of attachment
parenting approach or because of it, had pretty much a "Just do it" or
"No pain, no gain" attitude about a lot of life's challenges. In other
words, I wasn't led to believe I needed as much as other people said
they did (sleep, convenience,  money...) This is not to say my parents
lacked compassion; they just thought that life didn't have to be easy to
be good. It has stood me in good stead. It is not a bad trait in a
mother, I would say, to pass on the idea that you can't avoid the pain
of childbirth any more than you can the loss of someone you care about,
except by escaping love.
Jo-Anne, on her father's birthday.

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