Lyla,
 General feedback on the letter. It's a good letter but too long, I don't
think anyone will read to the end. Cut out anything not relevant to
this situation. For example, they didn't mention breast showing, so
there is no need for you to mention it.
 My experience is that these letter should be short and to the point.
No one will read more than a page, tops!.
 If you'd like specific suggestions for edits, I'll be happy to
take a pass at editing it down, just let me know.
  Naomi Bar-Yam

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