This was Rachel Myr's title to a very good post....
<<food gets spoiled, children suffer>>
And I don't want to mitigate any of the other wonderful posts on this
topic, but something has been sort of mulling around in my rather old brain....
An article in Time Magazine not too very long ago talked about the
"helicopter parent". Basically it was referring to the fact that parents of today
-- I think I'm past that since my baby is now 25 -- are incredibly
overprotective. From buying the latest gadget to protect them from anything from
scrapes on the knees when they are crawling to running interference in
terms of grades on an exam or acceptance into the college of their choice --
parents are hovering at an alarming level.
And yet we, as lactation consultants, are seeing the opposite. We are
seeing parents that absolutely Will. Not. Hover. Will not hold their babies
for fear of spoiling. Want their babies on a schedule (which our hospitals
feed into -- "every three hours" -- but that is another rant for another
time). Put babies into the nursery for the night -- "sure, go ahead, give
a bottle." Separate from the birth experience with induction, epidurals,
C/Section on demand, etc etc.
I guess my question is -- and I'm not sure it has to do with
breastfeeding, but perhaps it does.... why such a disconnect between what we are seeing
in the birthing room and the hospital and the early days of
parenting.....and the "hovering" behaviors of parents of preschoolers thru young
adulthood?
I'm afraid to say this, but I must. Is it because it is all about ME? My
baby's independence and ability to sleep through the night at an early age
prove that I am a good parent (a la Ezzo), and later on, my *hovering* to
make sure my offspring are top in everything -- sports, music, art,
reading, history, ivy league nursery schools to ivy league colleges to an eminent
position on Wall Street -- prove again that I am The. Best. Parent. Ever.
Wow.
How can we teach our new moms and dads to just adore and love their babies
and children and keep them close and then allow them the independence they
need without *hovering* inappropriately.
True confession: I'm a grandmother, and looking back, I know that I hover
more than my parents ever did. Hopefully not inappropriately.
And now that my *baby* is getting married -- as the mother of the groom, I
have learned three things: "Show up, shut up, and wear beige." But in
true defiant style, the duct tape I use to keep my mouth shut will be
PURPLE!!
Jan Barger, RN, MA, IBCLC, FILCA
Lactation Education Consultants
_www.lactationeducation.com_ (http://www.lactationeducation.com/)
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