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Subject:
From:
Elizabeth Steiner <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Tue, 20 Apr 1999 12:15:13 EDT
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Dear All -- OK, I admit I may be feeling a bit sensitive and/or defensive
right now, but I have to say I (and indirectly my dh) are feeling a bit
flamed about the bottle feeding and nurturing issue.  In many ways, I think
this is approaching the same problem as the thread about "pods" and other
"convenience items."  That is to say, no, dads don't have to be able to feed
to bond w/ their babes, but if they want to, why is that a problem?  (and
yes, my dh *does* cook dinner, do dishes, laundry, etc -- yes, I know I'm
blessed).  IMHO, we all know at a gut level that food is a critical part of
nurturing, and for dads to recognize that there's a different kind of
connection that comes when one feeds a baby, is a good thing.  No, every
parent can't do the same things that the other parent does, but when each of
who cares for/loves a child has an opportunity to experience some of the same
joys that the other does, doesn't that benefit the whole family?

And what about non-traditional families?  I have several lesbian and gay
couples in my practice w/ children (aside -- is this an off-limits topic on
this list?).  In the cases of the two women, the non-birth mom often fed the
babe w/ SNS at the breast (had never lactated).  W/ the men, both dads wanted
(appropriately) to feed the babes.  Of course, most adoptive parents do not
choose/are not able to BF, and we don't express the belief that only the
mothers should feed the babes in those situations.  Why should we deny
biologic dads this opportunity?!

I realize I'm getting a little hot under the collar on this issue, and also
that there are probably a bunch of other issues going on in the case that
started this discussion (the abuse potential and PPD are very good points),
but I fear that once again, we may be veering onto a course that will take us
away from our true goals.  OK, enough. I'll stop ventilating!

Elizabeth Steiner

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