A few days ago I was counseling an expectant couple: teens, unmarried, the
young man had been described to me as a challenge.  Well he had lots of
questions but they were good, thoughtful, honest ones.  He was inclined to
be possessive and concerned about "his woman" (yes he called her that)
getting ogled by other guys if she was nursing in public.  Didn't want her
to get careless and make it too easy for those other guys, either.

(His story: he'd been delivering furniture to a woman's house and she was
sitting on the couch nursing her baby when he arrived.  "I'm like, she's
breastfeeding, that's cool, she's keeping covered, and then what did she
do, she stood up without covering anything up!  I mean she's got her titty
hangin right out there!"
Once I was done laughing I said I thought that was pretty unusual.
I find this attitude a lot easier to take than the line that the *baby*
shouldn't get access to the mother's breasts because the dad feels they're
his.  Grrr.)

I told him that his protective instincts could be very valuable to her:
that he could protect her and their baby and their breastfeeding
relationship.  (From other people's gaze or criticism by holding up a
newspaper, helping her find a quiet peaceful place to nurse, just being
there with her and acting like what she was doing was fine -- how often is
a mother hassled for breastfeeding in public *if the dad is there
too*?  From challenges: if people start suggesting she give a bottle, tell
her it's time to wean, etc. he can say "this is working for us".)  I also
said that by supporting the breastfeeding mother he would be feeding the
baby, and that his support was going to be crucial to her success.
He said that was a really nice thing to say.  And now 4 days after the
birth the mother says he is very loving with the baby *and* very attentive
about helping them breastfeed.

I want to start teaching the dads baby massage.  Not sure just how to work
it, though: I don't want the newborns separated from the moms, so we'd need
to have both parents come in with the baby, and that might be tough.  But
massage sounds like a lot more fun and bonding than changing diapers,
doesn't it?

Elise
LLLL, IBCLC

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