In a message dated 5/2/99 5:40:17 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Teresa writes:

<< Having been on both ends of this issue, I realize that sometimes people =
 really do have kind intentions.  I certainly did.  I honestly was not =
 embarrassed by this woman feeding her baby.  I think I simply wanted to =
 give her the option of a quiet place (NOT the bathroom ;-P ).
  >>

I've been on both sides of this too -- I guess most of us have.

But -- leaving aside the intentions of the speaker -- subtle differences can
read very differently to the mother.

For one thing I think it's important to admire them * before* you suggest
they might move, not as an afterthought.

And for another, try making it a judgement on the place they are nursing now,
not a judgment on what they are doing.

For example, "If it gets too noisy in this waiting room and you want a
quieter/less distracting place, let me know and I'll open an office for you"
can feel more empowering and less implicitly critical (to some moms, anyway)
than,"If you need a private place to nurse I can put you in an office."
Even just changing "private" -- which is mainly a social and cultural
description about modesty -- to "quiet" -- which is mainly a factual report
about the conditions, can give a different message.

Elisheva S. Urbas, NYC
I edit people's words all day for a living and find it hard to stop in other
contexts...

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