>I sure wish I could hear Dr. Laura (US Radio-commentator who is being
criticized >because she promotes "being my kids mom" as an important job)
tomorrow - another study >with a headline as to how children are not hurt by
having moms and dads both work >outside the home. I'm afraid it's true -
we've sold out to those who say we HAVE to >work and MUST put infants and
small children in child care centers... many of which are >not much better
than the descriptions of the orphanages in Romania.
Again, the studies show what they show. Most children have the same
outcomes on the measures used in the studies whether they were at home with
mom and/or dad or in a day care setting. This has been shown again and again.
Dr. Laura gets criticized for her views because she assumes (1) all daycare
is awful and (2) all stay-at-home moms are wonderful. Neither of these
assumptions are valid. Some day care is awful, to be sure, and probably
most is *adequate* and some is WONDERFUL. Some stay-at-home mothers are
wonderful, and most are probably *adequate* and some are AWFUL.
Some children would be MUCH better off in a good quality day care setting,
or even a merely adequate one, than they are with their mothers at home.
Just being at home with one's kids does NOT make one a good parent, and I
know a few bottle-fed, solitary crib sleeping, dis-attachment parented kids
who were at home with mom when they were young, but mom mostly yelled at
them, ignored them, or abused them.
Study after study has shown that the important thing is the relationship
between parent and child WHEN THEY ARE TOGETHER, rather than whether or not
the child is in day care while the parent works or at home full-time with
mom, that affects how the child turns out. In my case, with my youngest as
an example, he was home with a babysitter for a few hours each
Tuesday/Thursday for the first 9 months, then with me fulltime 9-13 months,
and started commercial day care at 13 months for six hours a day. He was
nursed for 5.5 years, still sleeps with us at 8 years of age, and was
seriously attachment parented. His day care situation from 2-5 years was
WONDERFUL -- with teachers who were highly trained, very well-paid, loving,
all had been working there for years and still are working there. Dr. Laura
claims that ALL day care workers are poorly trained, low paid, couldn't care
less about the kids they watch, and that all day cares have huge turn-over
rates. It simply isn't true.
We can't blame everything on poor mothering, or poor daycare, or any daycare.
Kathy Dettwyler
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