Hello,

Louise Denhez' post on weaning & guilt prompted me to share my experience.
Louise writes:
>And I am sharing it with you, so that we all remember to be very very
gentle with people experimenting [experiencing?] a failure of some sort, and
to be careful when using blanket statements.

My first child nursed until a few months after her second birthday, and
weaned herself gradually while I was pregnant. I assumed my son would
breastfeed at least as long. But almost 2 years ago, when he was 7 months
old, my son's cold developed into an ear infection and he suddenly refused
to nurse. The infection cleared up within a week, but he never nursed again,
despite a month of my trying every suggestion 3 diffferent LLL Leaders and
an LC offered. During that month, and for weeks afterward, I was an
emotional wreck. I felt grief (at losing our nursing relationship), anger
(why wouldn't my son do what all the "experts" said he should?), jealousy
(why couldn't this happen to someone who didn't care about breastfeeding as
much as I did?), and guilt (maybe I didn't get him to the doctor soon
enough, maybe I shouldn't have taught him to use a cup, maybe I did
something else wrong...). I eventually came to terms with his weaning,
mostly because I know I did everything I possibly could have done to get him
back to the breast. (Maybe if Lactnet had been going back then, one of you
could have helped, or at least I'd have had a few more shoulders to cry on.)

Here's what I learned:
1. Even with a hospital grade pump and a supportive family, keeping up a
milk supply under stress isn't easy. I admire women who can do it, but I
simply couldn't handle pumping more than a month.
2. As my childbirth instructor told us, "The trouble with books that tell
you what babies will do is that babies don't read them."
3. "What if..." and "If only..." thoughts will drive you crazy. I still
wonder sometimes if there's something else I could have done, but I've
stopped kicking myself.
4. Kind words and encouragement can make a world of difference. I will
forever be grateful to the women who talked to me every day and refused to
give up until I was ready. They didn't change the outcome, but they made it
possible for me to accept it.

Thanks for listening, and thank you for all you do to help and encourage
women. You are an amazing group of people!

Kate Pennington, LLLL in Newcastle, Maine