In a message dated 2/21/2006 4:21:08 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:
I have heard this many, many, many times - basically, if the mother REALLY
wanted to succeed at breastfeeding, she would have made it work. If the
mother doesn't succeed, it isn't the fault of the hospital routines and
inaccurate information she was given - it was because she was not "totally
committed" and "her heart wasn't in it."
I can't tell you how much this comment bothers me.
First, it is not true. I have seen way too many mothers who desperately
wanted to make breastfeeding work but were given such terrible advice or so
much interference in the early days that they weren't able to (at least not
exclusively). These comments totally discount all the pain and struggles and
heartache they have been through - it was their fault because "their hearts
are not in it." Wrong. Sometimes mothers are totally committed and still
can't overcome the problems created by their hospital experiences.
Dear Friends:
A very sweet educated friend, planning a birth center birth with
midwives, developed sudden hypertension and ended up with a cesarean section. First
baby.
Breastfeeding was another casualty of this experience. Finally, after
several
l o n g telephone calls, and La Leche League and a wonderful pediatrician (
also IBCLC, who also has a fabulous staff) hours of pain and struggle, tears
and suffering, pumping and bottle-feeding, suddenly, at nearly one month of
age, the baby is breastfeeding. "We're doin' it!" exulted this mother.
One of the stories she told me was of how primitive and useless the
breastfeeding support was at the hospital where she delivered. She compared notes
at a LLL meeting with other mothers; she was astounded at how little help
she received, especially when compared with the other hospital in her
community. She got "6 minutes of help once every few hours, because staff were so
busy."
Because all her friends breastfed, and her professional community all
breastfed, and because she knows me pretty well, she got through this expensive
and miserable month.
Now, how long is a mother supposed to try to make breastfeeding work?
Are we making any judgement here about determination? How long is enough? When
does it become too long? What about the women so determined, without friends
and local support? What are they supposed to do?
One could apply some of these arguments to fertility...............how
many of us have heard, "just relax, and you'll conceive." Or, "maybe you don't
really want a child if you can't hold the pregnancy."
The situation is so complex; there can be no judgements save to identify
what we can make better ourselves. Every time I do something that helps a
mother turn the corner, I feel some power, and expect that I can do it again.
(Ha! Dream on. ;-) Sometimes, when things aren't going well, I start blaming
a mother in my thoughts, particularly when I am feeling helpless: I've tried
everything, and this woman is still gonna miss the boat. "What's wrong with
her?" I wonder, instead of saying to her, "Well, maybe next time, with another
baby, things can be different."
Some women try forever; I always remember Anna Utter talking about a
mother she saw that started breastfeeding by putting a rolled up towel between
her teeth, to bite on so that she wouldn't cry out loud. Some women bail out
right away, for a variety of reasons. How can we fault them for making the
most practical decision in their own lives?
We have to work with them all, with compassion and love because there is
no one right way to do anything.
warmly,
Nikki Lee RN, MS, Mother of 2, IBCLC, CCE
Maternal-Child Adjunct Faculty Union Institute and University
Film Reviews Editor, Journal of Human Lactation
www.breastfeedingalwaysbest.com
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