I have not entered this discussion because I have too
much to say and it has now occurred to me I am remiss
to stay out of it! The thread has drifted into
anecdotes of early weaning and I would like to thank
everyone for sharing, and for continuing to share. I
learn the most when I go out on a limb myself, or when
someone goes out on a limb to teach me. Diane's
continuing rally to raise the bar reminds me of my own
obligation to the discussion -- and I hope new voices
will join as well. First a little background.
I have been leading a monthly discussion group for
"extended" nursing mothers for 8+ years in addition to
1-2 monthly LLL Series Meetings open to all mothers.
During much of this time I facilitated 3 separate
monthly meetings attended by up to 35 mothers each.
This evolving community of mothers is eclectic,
passionate, and political. The mothers continue to be
a rich education for me because I am able to follow
many long-term through pregnancies, multiple babies,
and all the tangent epiphanies and vicissitudes of
life. Others on this list who have a history in
various mother-support settings will no doubt attest
to the education in lactation (and beyond) that comes
from observing many women "nursing for the duration."
I am presently at work on a book for mothers who are
or are considering nursing long-term. I am fascinated
by the nursing patterns I observe and this has had a
profound effect on my work with mothers of newborns.
My own definition of weaning is "anything but the
breast" and includes separation and attitude. Given
this definition, weaning is the longest part of the
breastfeeding relationship. (You might even say I'm
writing a book about weaning, not nursing!)
The mothers in the support-meeting setting use the
terms child-led weaning and mother-led weaning often
and with confidence. I imagine a see-saw with
child-led on one end and mother-led on the other. The
fulcrum is the nursing relationship. Of course the
fulcrum is a matter of perception but it is
interesting certain nursing patterns and attitudes
will cause the see-saw to thud one way or the other
-- and for me those are the extreme ends of
breastfeeding duration. Infants weaned in the first
year whose relationships would likely be called
premature weanings. Children nursed 6,7,8,9+ years
whose relationships are wanting for a term. (as per
previous unresolved Lactnet discussion & years of
unresolved conversation in my mothers' group)
So, Jo-Ann, I have thought about your question for a
handout and my suggestion is to keep it simple. A
wonderful handout on nursing strikes would accomplish
the goal without getting you stuck in the unresolved
muck of weaning variations. A great handout that
sticks to the hallmarks of a strike could be a more
effective tool both in educating mothers (and others!)
about strikes and in beginning a conversation about
weaning. No matter what you say about weaning, you
will lose part of your audience (both mothers and the
various breastfeeding counselors who might otherwise
make use of it). I have always found simple tools to
be the best. Simple tools allow me to pull out just
the right bits to custom design help for each mother.
Diane made an interesting comment regarding mothers
who say their children self-weaned before 2 1/2. I
find it interesting that many mothers (outside the
mothers' group I discussed) tell me their children
self-weaned just as Diane has commented. Yet among
the mothers who participate in the mothers' group a
mother who weans a baby or toddler is much more frank,
and is likely to mention a major influence on her
decision (ie issues surrounding pregnancy / tandem
nursing, fertility, custody / visitation, medication,
lifestyle, the list goes on) I'm intrigued that
mothers (again, in this mothers' group) who nurse for
years often refer to their children as "prematurely"
weaning / weaned. In no way is their attitude
negative! On the contrary, the tone is matter-of-fact
and inquisitive, we have a lot of conversation about
choices, blazing a path through life's grey landscape
of decisionmaking... The mothers are often quite
aware of the influences on their nursing relationship
and make conscious decisions to allow or combat the
influence. These women are empowered by their
experience of mothering at the breast. The experience
of nursing becomes the critical consideration rather
than the duration.
Women who make their own choices and know it go on to
empower other women in their frank sharing of
experience. So much myth is perpetuated when women
are guilted into revisionist history.
Sometimes I think my biggest challenge is to embrace
and encourage diversity, and trust that the women
themselves will mirror for one another all that they
need. This is how I imagine women have explored the
parameters of biology and culture throughout the
history of the breast.
-----------
I will be going no-mail soon in order to attend the
LLLI Conference in Chicago. Feel free to e-mail me
privately if you would like to continue this
conversation in Chicago! (or elsewhere, for that
matter!) I will look for Lactnet names & faces
following the World Assembly. If I have misunderstood
the plan, will someone please e-mail me privately &
rescue me!
-----------
Susan Johnson MFA, IBCLC
"Well-behaved women rarely make history."
Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
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