Dear Chanita, Liz, and all,
     I did not mean in my visitation comments that fathers should be blamed
for leaving, and punished with loss of overnight or long visitation time.
Most divorces I know of fall into the "baking soda-and -vinegar"catagory.
This is a term I learned from my son when he built a volcano for a Science
Fair. Most divorces are made up of two fine people who simply cannot live
together as a couple anymore.( Two innocous substances, that when added
together  give off quite an eruption.) I simply meant to say that it is
difficult to meet the need's of the father and the baby at the same time,
since satisfying one can lead to depriving the other (of Mom), and that
adults are the ones more capable of compromising and reasoning than the baby.
It's interesting, and sobering to think that this issue of visitation, to
work well, requires a tremendous sense of trust ,cooperation, and
understanding of the other's viewpoint.. These may be things which have been
traditionally in very short supply in a couple who is now divorcing. The
ability to make both temporary compromises and long-term plans seems key to
this process as Liz pointed out. These couples probably need a tremendous
amount of help - hopefully some if it can come from people who can be honest
about what it is fair to expect from an infant., when adults can't get along.
Judy Fram Brooklyn