Hi All,

 

Just wanted to share my own personal reason for breastfeeding my boys as it
shows some drastically different reasons from one baby to the next.  Not
really sure why - but I feel compelled to write today.

 

Baby #1 was born when I was just 19.  I was a single mom, not too bright at
the time :-), and beyond dirt poor.  My reason for breastfeeding?  It was
FREE.  That was it.  No other reason entered my head at the time.  Free was
good - my choices at the time were to go back to work at minimum wage (about
$3.50hr at that time), let someone else raise my kid and feed formula that I
knew I couldn't afford.  My education to BF in the hospital was telling a
nurse that my baby looked like he might be hungry and I wanted to try
nursing.  She told me to pull my arms out of her way, pulled my gown open
shoved Christopher on my breast then left.  What a way to learn eh?  We had
the cracked and bleeding nipples for about 2 wks (which I was told by my Dr
was normal) and then I guess he figured it out ('cause I sure didn't know
what I was doing!) and we were fine.  Surprisingly, we BF for 14 months (he
was born in Sept. of 1985).  I never quite got 'it' about BF and the
emotional stuff that goes along with it - I knew there was something there,
but wasn't quite sure what it was, and I had been raised to discount and
distrust my own instincts and feelings so was not able to truly enjoy the
warm, loving feelings I had while BF my son - instead, I pushed aside those
feeling like I must be sick or perverted for having them - as my mother made
sure to tell me regularly.  Trying to raise my kid my way (AP style while
not realizing it was AP style) and getting ridiculed for it (my parenting
ideas and my desire to continue to BF) by my family made it very difficult
for me at the time and being so young and not yet able to stand up for
myself well made it nearly impossible to BF as long as I did and to truly
understand and accept the unique bond my son and I truly had.  During his
first 6 months I also suffered from post-partum psychosis - I never got help
because I was afraid they would take my baby away from me because I was
crazy and hearing voices.the BF was the one thing that got me through those
times - tho I didn't realize it at the time.he needed ME and I HAD to be
there.know what I mean?

 

Baby #2 (Benjamin) came along and I wanted to BF because #1 it was FREE and
#2 I now felt formula was nasty stuff (couldn't tell you why, tho) and I had
a bit of a superiority complex because (read this with that cocky, better
than thou attitude) "I breastfed the first one and anyone who doesn't
breastfeed is copping out".still wasn't too bright at that time either :-) -
I was 28.  He was born 8-94)  Well, those of you who know me and my story
know I went through HELL to BF that kid - he is the reason I am an LC today.
This time, however, after all the work we went through to BF, I truly
started to understand the emotional component to BF as well as the safety of
it as compared to formula.  My son turned out to be seriously allergic to
dairy and therefore I ended up dairy free for the time I nursed him.  Also,
our bonding stopped dead for me at age 2 wks when I found myself with
bilateral mastitis (4 months to resolve), infected nipples, pumping q2hrs
around the clock and bottle-feeding (which tore me up emotionally!).  I was
an emotional wreck and don't remember much of that time due to my severe
exhaustion, pain, and severe ppd.  We got through it all and when he was
almost 4 months old I suddenly found us BF like 'normal' dyads on Dec 17,
1994.  The bonding started again for me and then I was adamant that that
child and I would BF for as long as we wanted to - regardless of what my
family (or anyone for that matter) had to say.  My reasons for BF changed
and became those of understanding why moms quit (no more judgment from me!)
and how important BF is emotionally for mom and baby.  I became a peer
counselor and CLE through WIC and what I learned from BF and education was
HUGE and changed my life in so many positive ways - too numerous to list.
Benjamin nursed for 3ys 2mo.and believe me the flack I got from family was
amazing.the stories I could tell. :-)

 

Baby #3 - (Patrick) almost 10 yrs now.Jan, 27, 1997.  I BF him for one
reason - It was my privilege as his mother to not only grow him on the
inside, birth him in the way I wanted to (no meds, no interventions - at
home with fabulous midwives) and to grow him on the outside and give him
what only I could give him.  I knew all the health benefits - I knew all the
stuff we tell moms - but I BF because it was something only I could give
him.I finally truly got "IT" in my way.  This is what (for me) being a woman
was all about.  The strength and power I felt as a woman was incredible.
The self-confidence I gained and kept has helped me so much in the many life
changes I have gone through in the past 7 yrs.  It changed my life.  I
tandem nursed baby's 2 and 3 - WOW what an experience that was!  I finally
'got' all the emotional and physical (health of mom and baby) reasons to BF.
But again - nursed because it was my privilege as his mother to give to him
what only I could.  Patrick and I share a much deeper bond than my other 2
and I - it really is quite interesting to step back and look at it now.  He
nursed for 4.5 yrs - through a nasty separation between his father and I.
The emotional stability that nursing gave him through that time I found to
be absolutely invaluable - that is something I share with others
regularly.there were many other things that happened during our nursing
experience that encouraged and strengthened the bond we still share today.

 

At any rate - the longer I am an LC the more I learn about the wonderful
properties that breastmilk has and the emotional benefits between parent and
child.  But I have also learned that every mother has a different reason to
BF their baby.  I have been a parent for 21 yrs now.I have seen so many
changes in myself as a mother/parent/person and I watch with fascination as
the parents I work with strive now for what I was striving for so long ago -
some sense of understanding of who this child is and how do "I" parent,
protect and raise him/her well; how do 'I' do this huge job I have just
undertaken and what if I make a mistake?  All the what if's and fears that
come with this.and what about this BF thing that "I" am trying to do - what
if it doesn't work, what if I don't have enough milk, what if I have
problems - how do I get through that.the list goes on.  I wish I had had
then what I am able to give now as an experienced parent (who has made some
real whopper mistakes) and as an LC (who is still learning every
day).support to trust your mommy and daddy heart, support to hang in there
when things don't go as well as they should - support to parent in a manner
that works for 'you and your baby'.  I feel honored and blessed to be able
to be there for the new parents today.

 

I don't think that there is any one main reason for BF - I don't think there
can be.  I think that we all came to BF our children (or not) for many
reasons; we all have our reasons for weaning; we all have our beliefs about
why people should BF: and we all have our own ideas on parenting - what is
right what is not.  Having had 3 distinctly different experiences (BF and
parenting) with 3 very different sons and with different reasons to BF with
each one, I also can see (as I sit here all choked up reliving my own past.)
that there absolutely must be countless numbers of reasons for others to BF
and as they continue to have babies those reasons must also change and grow
with time - and all those reasons are valid.

 

Sorry for the length - As others have said - BF isn't just about one thing
or the other - it is about the entire experience - everything that comes
with it - emotional, physical, logical, health, etc.All of it.

 

Warmly,

Jaye

 

Who is lucky enough to have at least one son who clearly remembers BF.what a
gift to him and, interestingly enough - to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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