I sent a very short post about this issue the other day and want to post further. When my first two children were babies, I often heard the term “high-need” applied to their behaviors. I began to think that all we were doing was describing behavior, but in no way were we addressing its source. It occurred to me that from an adaptive perspective it made no sense for babies to have “high-need” personalities. This does not improve chances of survival so it is not adaptive. I am not saying the behaviors are not adaptive, but I do not believe that the idea of such a personality-type is adaptive. The term “high-need” is so commonly thrown around in attachment parenting circles that it had become like a sacred cow—and when I posed the idea on a parenting board that perhaps we could look at these babies in another way, mothers who were quite attached to the idea were very angry. 

From the “high-need” perspective, my eldest (now 20) had been “high-need” in the sense that he was not going to wait to grow up. He wanted always to be doing things—he walked (and I mean walked) the day he turned 8 mos old—he was cruising the furniture since 5 1/2 months and never crawled.  He was A LOT to keep up with all of the time. And I swear he never fell asleep!! All of his naps were 20 minutes unless he was on my body and getting him to sleep at night was an exercise in futility. 

My daughter (now 16)20was much more like the babies referred to in the original post and subsequent responses. She was always on sensory overload. At my first LLL meeting after her birth, I was lucky to have co-Leaders b/c I spent the meeting outside of the house b/c she screamed though all of it. She screamed often and was always on my body. She hd the typical "colic" symptoms. She did not comfort nurse and always seemed uncomfortable after feeding. It took over a year before she could ride in a carseat w/o screaming (unless I sat in the back with her latched on) and she slept across my chest for the first 18 mos of her life. She always had “those eyes”—ever-alert—HUGE blue eyes that couldn’t stop taking in the world. Both babies were some degree of hyper-vigilant. Both babies, in their own way, just couldn’t turn off. Both were born at home and exclusively fed at breast, nursed for 4-5 years. 

When my daughter was 2 1/2 she had her first CST treatment and I gained a whole new awareness of how babies experience the world. This is when I started approaching all those “high-need” babies in a whole new way. I wanted to know why they were so uncomfortable in their own skin. I no longer believed in “fussy” or “high-need” children. I came to believe in adaptive behaviors that support survival. Fortunately for my kids, they were never exposed to cow milk products, as we were always vegan and they were rarely exposed to excitotoxins (the
re was the naturally-occurring MSG in soy that I did not know about then) or trans-fats as we didn’t eat that kind of food. We used homeopathy and Bach Flowers and their nervous systems were thusly somewhat supported. They were certainly attachment parented in every way. 

In hind-site, I think my oldest son was allergic to soy and possibly wheat (he has eaten neither for years, as he allergic to them now, as well as apples and peanuts). He has had an immense amount of bodywork and acupuncture. Although he still bears some of the patterns of one whose nervous system has the potential for edginess, he is an extremely capable, competent adult college student. 

As to my daughter—it took a lot longer for her to heal her nervous system and we are still working on it. She was much more like a lot of the babies I see. She is allergic to gluten grains, soy, peanuts and lentils (which is why food elimination diets are generally a waste of time—who would necessarily know that!!) She has had a lot of bodywork, including CST, chiropractic (traditional and Network), rolfing and acupuncture. She has tested positive for certain heavy metals, even though she has never been vaccinated or had mercury fillings. Both kids are allergic to cow milk products although they do not eat them. Interestingly, my third child
exhibited none of the stresses of the first two. By then, I had
incorporated all of these healing modalities into our lives.

I wish I had known that my older son needed bodyw
ork—he had none until he was 5. I wish I had known about muscle-testing for food allergies when he was baby. I wish I had known that I had celiac disease and that in spite of my really good diet (which has gotten better and better over the years) my leaky gut was causing problems for my babies. I wish I had known that my daughter had a posterior TT and that it was the reason that my oversupply was never quelled. I wish I had known about CST before she was 2 1/2. 

During the past 15 years, I have been on quite a learning curve. Now, when I work with babies like this, I  look first at mom’s nutrition. I have baby evaluated for allergies, work on healing mom’s gut, work with a chiro or PT for CST, eval for TT and refer for clipping (LOTS of these babies have posterior TTs), and use energy medicine, b/c a lot of healing can be needed. I always use Bach Flowers to soothe mom and baby and heal their emotions. And sometimes I refer to a naturopath and/or homeopath b/c these babies often only calm down once they are treated for heavy metal and yeast overgrowth (which tend to go hand-in-hand, as candida binds heavy metals) or have their intra-uterine.post-partum traumas treated. I think such early intervention can prevent these kids from growing into the labels so commonly attached to children today. 

I have seen these interventions work time and again and rather than hiding dis-ease by eliminating symptoms, they provide deep healing. I do not find the more
 conventional practitioners very helpful so I do not refer to them. Just in the past year, I have seen miracles when these babies are treated for their allergens, their moms are treated, AND their energy systems are healed. 




 Jennifer Tow, IBCLC, CT, USA
Intuitive Parenting Network LLC

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