Karen,
I'm a bit late in this reply to your lament over mothers who decide not to
breastfeed a second child,.
Even for mothers who do go on and nurse their second baby, worry about the
effect of this on the first child (especially when they are just 2 or 3
years old) is a major concern.  I think mothers tend to surround themselves
with those whose philosophy supports their own inner feelings.

La Leche League meetings frequently discuss topics like this, and mothers
can support each other a lot in dealing with the older child's needs with a
new baby, as well as the mothers' own fears of losing the strong, exclusive
bond they've had with a first child.  Many mothers are not prepared for the
sudden and unexpected feelings of anger they may sometimes feel towards
their much-loved firstborn when that child is demanding of attention as the
mother tries to care for and bond with the new baby.  I sometimes think it
is like approaching a mother bear with a new cub. The bear just wants to be
left alone and is likely to strike out at whoever bothers her or seems to
threaten her baby.  These feelings are very scary to mothers.  It helps to
know others have experienced this too.  If the mothers you are seeing wish,
there are strategies to share that others have found to be helpful in these
situations.

 One suggestion that came up in one of my LLL groups was to nurse the new
baby while sitting down on the floor, so that the older child felt at the
same level with mom, and that she was not out of reach.  Some people keep a
special set of favored toys for the older sibling to play with just during
nursing times.  Some share special reading time while nursing, or listen to
story or song tapes, or sing songs together.  Sometimes the older child
likes to have his/her own "baby" doll and nurse and care for it alongside
mother.  (Identifying with the parenting role rather than with the baby as
a rival for mom's attention).   Talking about feelings, and trying to
preserve special time with the older child are important too. There is a
good children's book by Cathryn Falwell, "We Have a Baby" (Clarion Books,
1993, 32 pages long), meant for very young children who have a new sibling.
 The lovely illustration of mother nursing the new baby while she cuddles
the older child is wonderful role modeling.


Anne Altshuler, RN, MS, IBCLC in Madison, WI