Films like Baby's Choice show what newborns will do quite predictably on
coming to mother's abdomen, then chest.  Babies who have been exposed to any
kind of analgesia seem to be less organized and less coordinated when it
comes to latching but they show the same drive to get to the breast.  

I sometimes wonder nowadays what goes wrong, when we pay an inordinate
amount of attention to getting baby latched in the first couple of hours
post partum, and baby doesn't latch successfully.  I wonder if we set the
stage then and there for problems with latching and on-cue feeds.  If we
simply explained to mothers what the normal sequence of behaviors is, and
that the pace at which they are exhibited varies widely but the sequence
itself does not, it might be less undermining to them.  'When your baby
starts showing interest, keep her/him close and offer the breast.  If you're
not sure about position, ring for help and someone will be available to
guide you as needed.'

I see mothers expecting the baby to latch on its own, and being distraught
when up to twelve hours have passed and baby still hasn't latched on well.
I see babies cajoled and coerced to the breast when they would just as soon
be sleeping next to mother until the urge to feed strikes them, and I see
these babies start to resist within a day or so.  I see the mothers start to
get panicked that the baby will not latch before they are sent home, even
though we are able to let mothers stay in hospital until feeding has settled
down to the point where they know they can get the baby nourished, if not
all at the breast.  I see them deeply anxious that their baby will never
latch, that the boat will sail without them, and they will never get
breastfeeding right, and they behave as if everything for the rest of the
baby's life hinges on getting this absolutely right and preferably within
one hour of birth, so they get more desperate with every passing hour.  I
know all too well that staying in the hospital is not synonymous with having
good help and support too, and it makes me crazy.  

When my own children were born, in two different countries, but both in
breastfeeding-friendly surroundings, nobody talked to me about
breastfeeding.  My intentions were clear at the outset, I assumed we would
sort it out and was in no doubt that we'd manage it fine, and I kept my
children with me at all times despite that not being standard care in either
place.  No one helped me or them to latch on, and they both latched early,
continued to feed frequently from birth, and were content with that for many
many months.  They did exhibit the normal newborn sequence of behavior,
crying just until settled on my body, then showing signs of interest which
prompted me to get them into a position from which they could latch and
feed.  I didn't wait for the whole breast crawl thing because it worked fine
without that.  It was the most natural thing in the world, and I had no need
to elevate it to more than it already was, a primal moment with people who
have continued to amaze, inspire and drive me to distraction from the moment
they were born until the present.

Somehow, I think hovering over a new mother and ticking off for when baby
latches, is more harmful than not doing so.  By wanting to check it off, we
imply that it ought to happen at a certain time, and that if it doesn't,
it's a problem.  I think we would be better served by keeping quiet and
letting the two of them have time to get acquainted, while making it clear
that the reason the baby is settling and relaxing is because the mother is
near.  We should dare to tell women that when baby is ready to come to the
breast, s/he will.  And then we should dare to believe it ourselves and keep
our hands and our anxiety off them.

Several sources of information in Norway have used the phrase 'within
reason' when describing how often and how long babies should feed in the
first few days, as in 'Baby should be offered the breast when he shows signs
of wanting to suckle, and should be allowed to stay there as long as he
likes - within reason.'  This also makes me crazy because it is left up to
the mother to figure out what witin reason is, without taking into
consideration what her frame of reference is nor what the baby thinks.

Last week I was mentioned in a birth announcement in our paper, with thanks
to me for good guidance and follow-up.  Ironically it was the one woman I
saw all week who had decided to leave her very unsatisfying attempts at
breastfeeding behind, in favor of formula by bottles.  I saw that she was on
the verge of dissolving into a pool of tears, and I still talked to her
about breastfeeding purely on a recreational basis, that the baby might well
be experiencing the same sadness she was, that breastfeeding is not just
about the milk.  Then and there I felt like I was twisting the knife that
was already deep in her heart, but I could not stop myself.  I certainly
never expected to get such a public thank-you from this family.  It will
help me to be brave enough to say the same things next time.

Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway

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