First off, let me say I adore to read Katherine's posts, and more often
than not I agree with them.  Second, let me say that I ended up feeling
fairly defensive when reading the thumb sucking post, and I apologize if
that leaks into this post.  Third, I have not read the chapter the post was
about and am going solely on what was in the post.  Okay, enough
disclaimers.

While I do agree that thumbs can be, and maybe even often are, instituted
by parents as ways for the child to deal with things by him/herself, there
is a thread of logic hear that truly bothers me.  Saying that thumb sucking
comes from denying the breast and then substituting an alternate soothing
device makes assumptions that may not necessarily be the case.  My son does
suck his thumb, and has since in utero.  True, no breasts are available
there.  But he has never, never, never been denied the breast since he was
born.  Not in the day, not in the night, not 5 minutes after he just
finished nursing.  At 15 months he still nurses 6 or more times a day
because he is still so attached to nursing that solids are only beginning
to interest him (and still mainly as wonderfully messy toys rather than
nutritional yummies).  There are times when he gets a bump when I will
offer the breast in a calm, loving and quiet way, only to be pushed aside
for the thumb and blankie.  It was very traumatic for ME to feel so
"replaced" but it was his bump and his choice of how to calm down.  Just as
I will not deny the breast when it is wanted, I will not force the breast
on him when he truly wants his thumb.

I have spoken to many people about the "badness" of this habit and have
been told by EVERYONE to calm down.  There is usually no dental problem
unless it continues after the permanent teeth are coming in.  I would never
put one of those metal devices in my son's mouth, if he is old enough to
need to stop then he is old enough to talk with/make deals with/heck, even
bribe if necessary.  The same would apply to any habit that needs breaking
at around school age, be it thumb sucking, masturbating or what have you.
(Having been a teacher, I've seen some wild habits that don't get broken
until Kindergarten!  Often at that age [note that this is the same age
permanent teeth come in!] peer pressure is enough to stop such habits.
When adult intervention is needed it can often be done in a rational and
loving way that the child can understand and be a part of.)

And as to the cuddling aspect of nursing, even if he chooses not to nurse
(which is offered) I never let my son cry without scooping him up and
cuddling until HE wants to get down to play.  He will suck his thumb and
hold his blankie in my lap, snuggling into me as much as when we nurse.
After a while he will wriggle out of my lap and go about his business.

Would I suggest mothers train thier kids to suck thumbs?  Of course not.
Would I suggest mothers only offer the breast as a "last resort?"  Of
course not.  We chose not to offer a pacifier (something we would have to
put in his mouth, retrieve, wash) as fairly artificial and unnecessary.
However my son found his thumb on his own, without training, without help.
Do some babies need/prefer/want their thumbs in some capacity?  Maybe.  My
son sure seemed to.  He might be the oddball, but it was his choice, not
ours, and we decided to honor his choice.  He still nurses whenever he
desires (and will until he no longer desires it) and he still sucks his
thumb.  I would feel remiss if I ever denied him either one.

So, while I feel Katherine is correct in her statement that sucking is
supposed to be on the breast, I cannot agree that, in all cases, thumb
sucking comes from denying the breast or from parents unwilling to calm the
child themselves.  This assumes a parenting choice.  While this choice may
have been made by the parents of some thumb suckers, it is not true for
all.   I am sorry that the phrasing hit me so negatively and that my
hackles went up, but my child is not "abnormal" or "unnatural," he is a
healthy, happy toddler who sucks his thumb.  I am sure that she didn't MEAN
that the child like mine can't exist (one who sometimes chooses the thumb
over the lovingly offered breast).  However it FELT that way to me and I
felt I needed to respond, albeit defensively.

Not meaning to offend anyone,
Linda Volkovitsch, Mom to Michael