http://www.onlineopinion.com.au/view.asp?article=10484&page=1

Lisa drew our attention to the above article - thanks, Lisa, it's 
worth reading, as are the comments written in response to it.

It reminds us that the whole terrain of infant feeding in many 
western countries is one fraught with opportunities for women to 
transgress.

Firstly, they are told they 'must' breastfeed for the sake of being a 
'good' mother - but are then denied support, information and comfort 
to do it effectively, freely and without suffering economic 
consequences.

Secondly when they formula feed (because of this lack) they feel 
criticised and victimised, like a 'bad mother' and often unconfident 
about how to prepare formula and whether it makes a difference which 
brand you use.

Thirdly, if they do breastfeed beyond the first weeks/months, they 
transgress again if the baby is 'too old' or 'too big' to be 
breastfed - they may be told they are being self-indulgent or 
deliberately holding the baby back from developing normally.

The very common reaction of women who end up formula feeding after a 
period of bf is to be angry, defensive, and even abusive to 
breastfeeding advocates, and of course in denial that there is any 
significant difference to their baby - they feel angry that they ever 
thought this way, and angry with people who continue to advocate for 
breastfeeding.

It was also interesting to see again the notion that women who do not 
bf may be undergoing a hormonal/psychodynamic experience of grief. I 
think this could be a rich area of study.

Are there any grief counsellors on Lactnet? Do they see parallels?

The vicious, heart-breaking anger I hear in some women who have 
struggled with bf and who now formula feed makes me think of the 
anger stage of grieving. Grief-anger often seeks someone/something to 
blame for life's apparetly random tragedies - why did 
God/Nature/Misfortune/the government *allow* this terrible thing to 
happen to me/my loved one?

In the case of bf going wrong, the culture minimises the tragedy 
('formula is just as good') and there is no acceptable discourse to 
explore, understand and move on....nowhere for the anger to go.

So -  step up the breastfeeding advocate who tells lies about how 
great it is to bf, and who makes mothers think it matters - it's 
*your* *fault* I feel so bad....

Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc, tutor, UK

-- 
http://www.heatherwelford.co.uk

http://heatherwelford.posterous.com

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