A clumsy subject line, sorry.  Barbara Wilson-Clay notes that there are
differences among dairy cows in how much they produce, and ventures a bet
that women vary just as much.  She also cautions against blaming the victim
if we put too much weight on attitude.  I don't dispute any of that, and in
fact I use the dairy cow analogy all the time, with a couple of qualifiers.

First, it is a rare cow that produces too little for her own calf, though
some produce enough for 3 or 4.  They are production animals whose lactation
is far from what it might be were they left to it in a pasture with their
young.
And when women get a yearning look in their eye when we talk about a dairy
animal who produces over 15 gallons a day, I remind them that their lives
include a lot more than the lives of most dairy cows, and as women they have
the added benefit of not being sent directly to slaughter instead of being
treated, after their second bout of mastitis.

Very few of us were chosen by our partners-in-parenting for our milk yields,
while the 'easy keeper' (how apt, and I will be using this term from now
on!) dairy cow will be bred preferentially, ahead of those who don't yield
as much milk for their keep.  It is a cold hard fact that not all of us
would be culled from our herds to be breeding stock, if it were up to the
barn overseer.  But that still doesn't change the fact that nearly every
cow, no matter how unprofitable she is as a production animal, will have
enough milk to nourish her own offspring, and so will nearly every woman.
We *must* assume this to be the case until proven otherwise, and our care
systems must be finely-woven enough to find the exceptions without
endangering the children.

My take on attitude is that we whose job it is to help women, must never be
guilty of undermining a their self-confidence through our words or actions.
Whatever attitude she brings to it can be discussed with her, and blatant
misunderstandings cleared up, such as that fear of not producing enough milk
will cause production to drop.  (If the fear leads her to take baby off the
breast and top-up with formula at each feed, however, THAT will not help
production!)

I have had calls from mothers experiencing major losses in their lives who
sought help because breastfeeding was going just fine, causing people around
them to insinuate that they weren't grieving appropriately because their
milk hadn't dried up.  I asked one of them 'Do you think your late mother
would have wanted you and your baby to lose this relationship because of her
death?' and that seemed to jar her back to reality.  Maybe it was brutal,
but it worked.

Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway
PS my friend the dairy farmer had a prize 'easy keeper' cow who was sent
hundreds of miles to a veterinary college for egg-harvesting, but they had
to send her home with all her ova intact, as she steadfastly refused to
ovulate outside of her own barn.  Now THERE's an attitude!

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