Hello Marsha

Oh - never could a subject be so dear to my heart.

I must admit that I am disappointed with the discussion at the moment has
not really tackled the issues although the various postings about different
hospital practises is interesting.

From my readings I believe that bonding starts while the baby is still in
the uterus. During this time hromones, planning clothes, names assessing the
home for baby friendliness, thinking about labour (and labour plans) and
reading about labour and baby care  all contributes.  I expect that parents
talking to the baby and playing music to baby all help as does maternal
massage.

Bonding chance is maximised in labour by minimal intervention  (preferably
none apart from monitoring the vital signs to check for fetal distress) and
an active labour.  Things like Laboure baths, leaving mother and father with
baby, parents dressing baby and weighing, and measuring with parents present
and after breastfeed all help.  (Then again I do not believe that these
issues would on your list but would hopefully be part of antenatal
education).

So after the birth I believe that the ten steps are

1.  Hold your baby skin to skin - baby naked and your chest and arms free of
clothing.

2.  Look into your baby's eyes and wonder at the miracle of conception and
birth.

3.  Gently and slowly caress all of your baby's body, counting finger and
toes, measuring each limb with your fingers.

4.  Talk softly to your baby, introducing yourself and family.  Talk about
anything and everything. As you talk watch your         baby look deeply into your
eyes.

5.  Bring your baby frequently to the breast and give you both time to learn
the art of feeding.

6.  Listen to and trust your own instincts - embrace the positive and seek
help when you are unsure.

7.  Take time just to be with your baby.  Schedules are not as important as
giving of time to learn to be comfortable with  each other.

8.  Remember that your partner needs to bond with the baby too.  The art of
open, honest communication between you about your       emotions, hopes,
dreams, observations of the baby and personal needs are important for you
all in establishing a new       family.

9.  Once your baby is born, the world becomes a different a place.  Expect
changes.  Expect to do alot of learning.  So much       will change.  When life
seems to get on top of you - think out the cultural square.  Talk to other
parents.  In    learning to respond to your baby's needs, you usually look
after your own needs too.

10.  If the beginning of your relationship was not ideal, all is not lost.
Bonding takes time.  All of the above steps are         important for you to
establish bonding. Do not give up.  Bonding is not just a feeling.  Bonding
is also the     realisation that you all have a life to live together and a
relationship that no-one can take away.


All the best with this.  I have posted this to the list as well but would
love to hear what the final outcome is.

Ruth Fiedler
Breastfeeding Counsellor Australia.

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