----- Original Message -----
From: "Leslie Cree" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, May 03, 2009 11:39 PM
Subject: [LACTNET] angry, sad, angry, & I felt sad
**Hi Leslie,
I don't think these kind of editorial rants necessitate a response from
our community--we won't change any minds and will probably only sound self-
serving and judgmental to the readers whose experiences are similar to the
moms.
**I don't know... Those telling rubbish (didn't read this story, just read
the posts about it...) may well cause setbacks for others, if the
information is not being corrected. Mothers with bad experiences, whining
about it to the pregnant neighbour instead of coming to terms with their
feelings of loss and mourning, may cause other uncertain mothers to think:
"Well... I have problem X, too", or "My sister had problems as well, so
maybe I'd better not get into the hassle of all this..." There's no way out:
when we say that positive stories will help mothers, we *must* acknowledge
that negative and even incorrect stories will hinder mothers. It's all about
the impact of the social environment. And even though these kinds of stories
often make me mad, too, I think what could help is 'active writing', as a
variation to 'active listening': address what we consider the underlying
emotion and then explain, give information, reassure, offer different
options, and so on and so forth.
It's hard, but worth trying. Actually... I'm getting to writing such a
letter myself now, to parents who brought the pump back. Serious supply
issues and another lc who not even brought up the option of galactagogues...
grrrr!! The sadness in the father's eyes when he brought the pump back,
struck me and that's what I'll start with. Then: bf has three main aspects:
nutritional, immunological and psychological. Even if the first two go lost
by a fully lost production, the last one may be worthwile and I'm willing to
look things up and assess what might still be possible, so as to not lose
everything. Granddad had been here a week earlier, picking up the pump for
his daughter and saying it was no wonder she couldn't produce milk, as that
was normal in his family. Well... with such a dominant father, no daughter
would have the nerve to prove him wrong... :-(( He had a friend who was a
professor and who said it was hereditary. I friendly objected, at which he
said he was not an expert (NO, SO SHUP UP!) and he was not going to discuss
it with me (WELL, THEN DON'T BOTHER ME WITH YOUR RUBBISH AND DON'T LET YOUR
DAUGHTER DOWN!).
Okay, off my soap box and fingers on the keyboard for an empathetic letter
to let them know I'm still there. Never done this before, so it's a
challenge.
Warmly,
Marianne Vanderveen IBCLC, Netherlands
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