Dear Terry Lynn:

No, your posting did not fall on deaf ears. I have been working with BF
moms for 16 yrs. and went through the kind of *frustrating* feelings that
you are experiencing now.  Just to make you realize that we can't win
everyone over to "the Cause" let me share the saddening experience that I
had a few days ago. I had hesitated about mentioning this on Lactnet, but
your post has given me the courage to do so:

A mom who heard my prenatal talk on BF had her baby, called me on the 3rd
day for a home visit. I noticed that she didn't seem readily able/or
willing? to hold her breast properly when I tried to assist her with
positioning. She mentioned that she seems to grasp her child too tightly to
her, and feels her arms go stiff. Can't relax.  I showed her how to relieve
engorgement, hand-express, compresses, the whole bit. Baby sucked well.
After going over all the basics, and even teaching her how to cupfeed since
her mother was lurking with the bottle, I leave....

Only 3 hrs. later she calls again crying (literally) for me to come
back...wants to pay for a 2nd consult in the same day! "Couldn't you come
and express my milk for me? I can't do it myself" I am blown away, but
decide to acceed to her apparent need to be hand-held. In the interim, she
has not done *anything* that I told her to do....expressed NO MILK, was
even more engorged by the time I saw her in the late afternoon. Became
hysterical, crying out "Can't I just go to the hospital so someone there
can take out all my milk with a syringe?" (just the thought makes me say
'ouch'!) Seeing that she needs loving firmness, I explain that many moms
have a few difficult days when the milk comes in...that there is not a
magic solution, except to get that milk out, drop by drop. I show her about
10 times how to express, she does it well, but over and over asks "Is this
how to do it?" Yes, I reply, you're doing it well...but something is weird.
She said she is afraid to hold the baby...just wants to look at him, but
prefers her mother to do everything for the child. Overwhelmed by it all.

On this second consult my 11 1/2 yr. old daughter was along since we were
on our way to the movies. When we left the house, she remarked,"Mommy, that
lady doesn't seem to listen or grasp anything you told her!"  You're not
kidding, I thought.

I called later that evening and found a hysterical mother on the other end
of the line...."I don't want to touch my breasts...or my baby, I just want
to have it all go back to how things were before...etc.etc."

Spoke to her husband and he explained that after 4 miscarriages they
finally produced a child...and that his wife has come totally unglued. We
both concurred that she needed some professional pschological assistance (a
brother-in-law is a therapist and was going to talk with her) Due to the
stress this woman is under, along with her inability to deal with her
breasts and baby...I suggested that she not feel pressured to go ahead with
the BF. Etc.etc. It was a hard call to make, but this lady was very odd and
unbalanced, in an unhealthy way. I might even suspect abuse in her past, or
at the very least a heavy case of denial now that her motherhood had become
a crying, diaperwetting reality.

It is not often that I actually feel it is best to recommend not nursing,
but this was one of those exceptions to the rule.

Sorry to have gone on so long, but this was a very difficult situation to face.
Any comments from my Lactnet family?

Roberta