I will be speaking at ILCA (no this is not an advertisement, it's a fact) on communication...as I have done for the last 15 years of my IBCLC career (the first 10 I was just grateful I could identify a problem and help a mom!).

We need to utilize communications skills not only with mothers - but with each other!

With moms we: 

1. ASK QUESTIONS rather an assume we know what was said...  I've misinterpreted what mothers say all the time... "you mean that it hurts every time the baby is at the breast?"  "Did I understand that your baby only wants to eat every 4-5 hours?" 

2. VALIDATE THEIR FEELINGS - yes, many moms are worried about their milk supply

3. PROVIDE LIMITED, TARGETED education...

So how would this translate in Lactnet?

1. When you see that a poster is speaking about something you don't do, ask questions and clarifications instead of assuming "she's a NUT" or "She doesn't know what she's talking about"...  If you want to know more, you can choose to write privately to them, to get more information rather than sending out a flash-message of how STUPID she is or how INSANE her professional advice is (yes, I know you don't use those words, but the tone, in your e-mails SOUND LIKE THAT).  And yes, I'm using capitals, because often the messages look like you're yelling or being very sarcastic, neither of which improves communication or collaboration...

2. Validate - "wow, I see that you're doing xxx - I've heard that some are doing this, and I'm interested in learning more"

3. Educate - "when I see moms that xxxxx what I usually do is YYYY"

...just some thoughts on how to avoid losing or silencing good Lactnetters who have much to offer but fear posting their opinions/thoughts.

Remember - don't hit "send" until you're sure you wouldn't mind your message being read out loud in public among a group of professionals...

OR if you're like me and write and write and write then realize it's too strong...DELETE or at least send it to a good friend (thanks, Teri) who you know has the skills to tone you down!

Jeanette Panchula, BSW, RN, PHN, IBCLC
California, USA

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