Susan, In a perfect world, "we" could educate every person who will come into 
even casual contact with a new mother. 

But, in the world we live in, this is simply not always, or frequently, possible. I 
also don't think, as also working as an advocate and volunteer, this is a role 
that most people really desire for us to do. 

As an IBCLC, I am not trained or equipped to take in a grandmother, whom I 
can tell from 20 years in the field, is most likely hostile to either her DIL, the 
breastfeeding or both, as my "client." 

Is the grandmother going to *hire* me to do this? To train her to be a "better" 
grandmother, who is willing to listen to what is known about breastfeeding in 
order to help her DIL or daughter? 

We have given classes for grandparents, in most places they are sparsely 
attended. I do have grandmas come to La Leche League meetings, and they 
are usually fantastic ladies! Most of them are usually old LLL members or 
retired leaders, themselves. In this case, we have a great time, Moms, 
Grandma, Babies, the other women in the group, and myself, with Grandma 
telling about "how it was back in the day." I enjoy these meetings, (and as 
time goes on I am becoming closer in age to the Grandmas, than to many of 
the LLL Moms ;) I am about half way between at this point.) But, it is a case 
of "preaching to the choir" and often Grandma at these meetings is VERY open 
to new ideas and willing to listen. 

But, in a case as the one presented, I see many problems. Is this Grandma 
going to WANT to be "my client?" What will my fee be? Is this even part of my 
scope of practice as an IBCLC? (I am thinking it may not be. My scope is ONLY 
to answer questions concerning breastfeeding and human milk, when asked 
and not hired as a Consultant or Teacher, not to act as Family Mediator.) 

Also, as I have dealt with situations like this, many times, simply state the 
facts to the one telling me the "scary" things about the New Mother, I do NOT 
take her as a "client" but ask her to please have the Mother of the Baby call 
me for information if she likes. On several occasions, I have had call backs 
from these people, (after the baby's mother did call me, and the situation was 
not what it was implied to be) and reprimanded for not telling the Baby's 
Mother simply what the original caller (I don't want to keep saying "Grandma" 
because there are some pretty great and helpful Grandmas out there) wanted 
ME to tell her, which was not true. (WOW, run on sentence.) 

I have also had similar situations happen with Dads calling me during Divorce 
proceedings, or Visitation problems. Of course, I have to tell the truth about 
breastfeeding, human milk, how the breast and the Mother's body works, how 
separation from Baby affects both baby and mother (and Bonding) and it is 
rarely what the people who call on me to "tell on" a Mother want to hear in 
these situations. 

Maybe someone who has done more "Grandparent" classes can respond as 
well. I have found these classes to be either sparsely attended or attended 
by, again, the Grandparents who know much about breastfeeding and human 
milk etc. The people who would actually benefit the most, don't come. Sorry 
to sound so stereotypical, but that is certainly my experience. 

But, maybe there should be a completely different field, "Grandparent 
Education." But, again, those who would come, would most likely be the ones 
least likely to actually NEED the education. And, of course, forcing education 
can't be done. 

So, the best I can do, as an IBCLC, is to counsel the Mother to make the best 
choices for HER baby and her life, to stand up for herself, to make it clear that 
this is HER baby, and, usually, to not accept "free babysitting" from those who 
have less than really altruistic motives. (And even then, it IS a good idea to 
PAY one's child care provider, no matter who it is.)  Am I "guessing" what the 
motives are? Maybe, but it is an educated guess, and one based on years of 
seeing this happen to New Mothers again and again. 

Again, in a Perfect World, we could "Educate" the people who do stand in the 
way, (or try to) of a Mother Breastfeeding her baby while maintaining her 
privacy, but doing this, when the original call was to "tattle" on something the 
mother did "wrong" isn't the situation where, usually, the person calling wants 
to be "educated." (I mean, the OP said the caller voiced the fear that the 
baby would become "Addicted" to alcohol, through the Mother's Milk and was 
obviously snooping in the Mother's home, as well as making Assumptions about 
just "how much" alcohol she guessed (without proof) the Mother was 
consuming. This doesn't sound like someone who really wants education, to 
me. What does it sound like? 

If anyone has a good way to make this Education work, for those who actually 
need the Education about Lactation in today's world,  I would be interested in 
hearing it. 

Thank you.

Mary Jozwiak IBCLC, RLC, LLLL
Private Practice 

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