Thank you, Rachel. I cannot thank you enough for your and Teresa's bravery. 
(I emailed Teresa and several others off list, so as not to clog LACTNET with 
too many of these, and use all my posts for one day.) Thank you. Thank you. 

I wholeheartedly agree that breastfeeding is NOT really a phenomenal event or 
action, enacted only by the BEST of women, but a normal, expected event (or 
process) which is expected, mammalian, and does not convey any superiority 
on the bestower, beyond her biological imperative. (Of course, we are Thinking 
Animals, so it sometimes appears that even something like breastfeeding can 
even be a "choice" but that is an argument for an other day.) Like many say, 
Breastfeeding is really NOT "best" it is the Norm. And we know that women 
who breastfeed, (although many would like to think so) are not morally 
superior than those who do not. Yes, I, too, would rather see a child artificially 
fed and honored, loved, and respected, than breastfed and beaten, humiliated, 
and bullied into submission. Of course, a good mother can both breastfeed AND 
be gentle, loving, use Loving Guidance and "just say no" to hitting. But, 
breastfeeding doesn't ensure that the child will be protected from abuse, even 
from his mother. 

Yes, there is research that there IS less Domestic Violence, against Children 
as well as Women in breastfeeding homes, but that doesn't mean there is 
none. Women have always breastfed, and I think if we look to the not to 
distant past, we see myriad references of "not sparing the rod" in nearly all 
societies, even in the days when there was no other alternative than 
breastfeeding. It is no different today, except women can choose not to 
breastfeed, and at least in Western Societies, have a reasonable expectation 
that her child will probably survive. 

I think we, as Lactation Consultants and Advocates NEED to get past the false 
idea that "She is breastfeeding, she couldn't possibly be hurting her children." 
We, if IBLCE Certified, are Mandated Reporters in the USA, (that means we are 
bound, if we suspect abuse, to report it to the proper authorities) and we are 
for a reason. If it were a Given that women who breastfeed, or Family Bed 
never ever harmed their children, then there would be no need for this 
mandate. Sadly, in the US, because there are few laws concerning "spanking" 
(just a cutesy word for hitting) beating, whipping, or other harm to children, 
one has to make a judgement as to "how severe" any abuse is. I don't. In my 
book ANY hitting is abuse, and will be reported. (I AM proud to say, that in 22 
years in LLL, I have only ONCE seen a woman hit her child at a meeting or 
function.) 

But, to think that no abuse will ever arise in a family who professes to 
breastfeed and Family Bed is simply naive. I find myself unable to come to 
terms with the Pearls, when they claim they Family Bed, yet also say that 
infant who do not go to sleep, or who cry when Mom leaves the room 
when "told to" are to be "thumped" "Whipped" or "spanked" until they no longer 
protest. (And they are ALWAYS careful to tell parents to "not leave marks" a 
more calculated cruelty, I have rarely seen.) I have used the Family Bed, and I 
can't see how that could work. Of course, the Pearls also exclaim about 
the "Joys" of beating children, while at the same time, when asked by their 
followers why so many children are "jumping ship" (meaning children in "Pearl" 
homes leaving home at an early age, many long before the teen years are 
over) gives Lip Service to "being Respectful" of one''s children to avoid this 
obviously common phenomenon. Either do Family Bed, while Whipping babies 
who won't sleep, with rulers, plumbing pipe or hands dovetail together in one 
home logically. These two pieces of conflicting advice just don't jive. (from 
what I see, Debi Pearl took her small babies into bed to avoid having to get 
up, she admits as much. The idea of the Family Bed as a place for Love and 
Nurturing doesn't seem to enter her equation. It is used only early on, for 
convenience.) 

I think we need to look at what people like Pearls and Ezzo are REALLY doing, 
while manipulating the hearts and minds of frustrated parents, they offer "easy 
solutions" but their ultimate goal is selling books, instruction manuals, lectures 
and paid "advice" for a One Answer Solution. Hitting. 

Only when breastfeeding advocates can realize that not only parents who 
claim to breastfeed and Family Bed also can Hit and Harm, but in many many 
cases, the Fictional Dr. House's processing of "Everybody Lies" is never truer 
than in some "Child Care Experts" advice books and manuals. We can we be 
more sophisticated in our counseling and understanding of the people we work 
with every day, when we come to the realization that some breastfeeding 
families DO hit, and that some "child raising experts" even if they say they 
breastfeed and Family Bed etc, may indeed not be totally truthful with us. I 
don't want to sound too cynical (please, I don't want to be the Dr. House of 
Lactation....) but, I DO have to call them as I UNDERSTAND them, after of 
course, careful study, observation, and some percolating through my head. 
(Wow, maybe I am more like him than...grumbly, argumentative, 
crabby....no.......) If, in the process, I sometimes appear a bit strong minded 
towards a few of my fellow ADULTS, I guess I should maybe apologise, but I 
am a person who expects a lot out of *everybody*. My clients and my 
colleagues, especially. I am not all that good at "making nice."  But, I do think, 
most of the time, my heart is in the right place. And, I do feel the need to call 
obvious abuse into the open. Even at the risk of maybe offending a few who 
may not have understood the entire philosophy and legacy of the people they 
may be promoting. Whether it was realized at the time or not. 

In other words, breastfeeding does NOT occur in a vacuum. 

As in the FLDS case, we cannot talk "only" about the fact that some women 
involved may breastfeed, and ignore the rest of the problem, or ignore that 
there IS a problem,  but the CONTEXT of how they parent, and the fact that 
parenting choices other than breastfeeding can and do have as strong an 
impact on the child now and in the future as breastfeeding may in some cases. 

If I have offended anyone, I didn't mean to be mean. But, I don't think it 
would be disingenuous of me to take back any of my statements or comments 
concerning either those who abuse children, or those who defend them, either 
knowingly, or unknowingly. Which might be a good reason to KNOW the 
Philosophy of a Guru before advocating his or her words or actions, not just 
hearing a few isolated sound bites and jumping on their bandwagon. An 
occasional error is one thing (witness the Sears issue this week) but there are 
limits, and I think most of us would agree, that the violence advocated by 
some "Gurus" simply cannot be ignored.

Blessings,

Mary Jozwiak IBCLC, RLC, LLLL
Private Practice 

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