Linda, I have seen (and often written, lectured about) what you describe re:
differences in parent attachment behaviors with any number of sets of
multiples. What I call "preferential attachment" is fairly common for POM,
especially if one baby was in the parent's care before the other(s) or one
responded to interaction with the parent before the other(s). The time only
one is in a parent's care or responds more can be a matter of hours.

There IS evidence that such difference do not resolve--that a parent's
preference continues beyond the first year, so early intervention is really
crucial so this mother can form more of an attachment for the less-preferred
twin. (This is not a good situation, in the long run, for the more preferred
twin, either!) She needs to know preferential attachment isn't unusual--not
her fault, is more common in certain situations, but each baby depends upon a
close attachment with her so she needs to take action. If you don't still
have access to the mother, can you speak to her pedi or another HP in contact
with her? Occasionally, ped-psych therapy/counseling is needed.

I'm so glad you picked up on this--so often it is missed or not recognized as
a potentially serious family problem--and I'm so glad you don't want to let
either little guy down...

Karen Gromada

In a message dated 09/04/2000 9:57:12 AM Central Daylight Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

<< We recently had twins be readmitted to our hospital two weeks after
discharge from our unit.  One twin never "got the hang" of breastfeeding
consistently & dad wanted to have one baby that he could feed...Despite
discussions with both of the LC's working at the time & mom's stated wish
that she wanted to try breastfeeding again with the second twin, she only put
him to breast twice & pumped milk for him four times.  She told me more than
once "he's his father's baby" and she responded to him so differently from
his twin...

I'm really saddened by all that he's missing out on that his brother is
receiving.  The repercussions are so far reaching.  It's a miracle that he
made it through his arrest but I still feel like we all let him down. >>

             ***********************************************
The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned
LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM)
mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to:
http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html