The following article appears in the latest edition of the Network of
Australian Lactation Colleges Newsletter. It is written by Bronwyn Mascord
RN CM IBCLC. Bronwyn is a laction consultant working in Sydney and this is
a true story. I hope you find it as funny as I did. I still smile whenever
I think about it.
Titillating Taxi Tales
I (BM) arrived back at Sydney airport after having spent a thoroughly
enjoyable but exhausting weekend as a guest speaker at the Queensland NMAA
counselor conference.  To say I had reached breastfeeding saturation point
was an understatement.  I get into a taxi driven by a 50’ish heavily
accented man (TD).  I settle back, dream of home and hope for a quiet and
quick trip home.
	
TD:	‘Been away?’
BM:	‘Yeah, Brisbane.’ 
TD:	‘Have a good look around?’
BM:	‘No, I was there on work.’(Oh great, one that wants to talk!)
TD:	‘What do you do?’
BM:	‘I’m a nurse.’ (Be evasive Bronwyn)
TD:	‘So you work in hospital in Brisbane?’
BM:	‘No, I was lecturing.’ (Just to sound aloof)
TD:	‘What do you lecture about?’ (Oh here we go)
BM:	‘Breastfeeding.’ (It’s fate, there is no escape)
TD:	‘Oh!!! That’s wonderful.. You know, I can tell you a story because you
will understand!’
BM:	‘Oh yeah.’ (This’ll be good)
TD:	‘Where I grow up in Bosnia I had a very special job.  I sucked tit. 
You know when the milk it not come, or it not enough, or it get stuck, I
suck it out for the ladies of my village.  Arr, such wonderful memories.’
BM:	‘Oh yeah.’ (Did he say memories or mammaries?  What have I got myself
into?) How old were you when you did this job?’
TD:	‘Oh, from baby up to about nine years old.  You see my father he rent
me out for cigarettes.  Sometimes I suck tit before school and some days
after school.  The ladies they think I very cute so they give me cakes and
sweets after I finish.  Some days I so full of milk and cakes I have pain
in belly.’
BM:	(Oh my God!) ‘How come you got the job?’ (Keep a straight face Bronwyn)
TD:	‘Well I have a special mark.  I have extra nipple.’ (spoken with pride)
BM:	‘Oh yeah, that’s not that uncommon; a lot of people think they are
moles.’
TD:	‘Oh no!  Mine proper nipple.’
BM:	(Oh my God, he’s not going to show me...he is!)

So as we drive down Botany Road towards Redfern, TD proceeded to lift his
shirt and display his very well formed accessory areola and nipple that was
located about 4cm below his left breast.  I duly admired same.

TD:	‘You see if I press enough I can get something out of it.’
BM:	(He can express better than some of my mothers)  ‘Oh I see.  Yes you
can get something (?) out of it.  Well how about that!’  (Oh God just get
me home)

So as we sped along through Ultimo other facts came to light...Yes he was
very healthy, yes all mothers milk does taste different (who better to
ask!) and he volunteered without prompting that he was smarter than the
average bear.  To his credit and manners he did constantly check that he
was not being offensive and that I understood where he was coming from
(well, I think I did).  But more was to come.

TD:	‘You know I can’t understand some of these modern women - why sometimes
when they in my taxi and feed the baby bottle milk.  I say to them, “Why
you feed that muck to your baby?”  Arr they don’t care.  This country, as
soon as baby can walk, no more tit.  Terrible thing.  Babies, they need tit
for long time, till go to school...’ (on and on)
BM:	‘Yeah.’ (Who gave him the soap box?)
TD:	‘You know, women, when first have baby are very tired, no feel like
making love.’
BM:	(and there’s more!) ‘Mmmmm.’
TD:	‘But after a while when baby suck tit it feel er...it feel...er...’
BM:	‘Sensual?’
TD:	‘Yes!  You know the best time to make love to a woman is after she has
fed her child because she is ready for a man’.
BM:	‘Mmmmm.’ (I nod knowingly)

We are on the Glebe Island Bridge and gladly only a couple of blocks from
home; although I must say this was the encore of my weekend.

TD:	‘Well thank you for the memories.’
BM:	‘Oh no, thank you.’ (This is going to make a great story, can’t wait to
tell the girls at work.)

So our journey was over.  I paid my fare (no, he didn’t give me a
discount), offered him an honorary life membership of the Lactation College
and bade him Good Night...Off he drove into the night with a smile on his
face.


Laureen Lawlor-Smith BMBS IBCLC
South Australia