Amy,
That "It wouldn't be fair to the older child if I bf my younger"
statement drives me crazy.  I ask if they would make their second child
sit in a wheelchair too if their first child couldn't walk...

One thing that might be helpful with mothers who "failed" the first time
around is to help them reframe their experience.  Sometimes a little
"I'm sure you did the best you could with the resources and the help you
had available to you last time.  Now there's better help, I can refer
you to a great IBCLC" does the trick.

And mom does not have to tell the older child he was not bf at this
tender age.  She could just tell him she fed him this way when he was a
baby, even if she only tried once...

Often this refusal to even try is a defense against the bad feelings
lingering from the first attempt.  If she does not even try, she
devalues breastfeeding, and takes some of the sting out of the fact that
she couldn't do it.  I think this is why reframing helps, it helps the
mom express that she did all she could, acknowleges that it truly was a
loss to not be able to bf, and to mourn it and put it away.

--
Catherine Watson Genna, IBCLC  New York City  mailto:[log in to unmask]

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