Karen, this is a wonderful post about separating mother-infant dyad.  Can I
have your permission to post it in my breastfeeding forum when mothers ask
me about baby's behavior when they go back to work/leaving their baby for
"only a week-end"?
I will be in Toronto in November.  I hope that this time we can get
together.
Esther Grunis, IBCLC

-----Original Message-----
From: keren epstein-gilboa [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Friday, September 07, 2001 12:18 AM
Subject: jessica bottle


Absolutely agree that the baby's protests are about being away from mother
and do not have to do with feeding.
I thought I would add to many of your helpful comments.

 It is important to remember infants' cognitive and emotional development.
Infants at this age do not fully differentiate between their self and mother
self. In their mind they are still one as they were before birth. It is very
difficult for infants to comprehend that the "mother part" has simply,
temporally disappeared for a while.

It sounds like Jessica's baby is a wonderful strong baby who has been
receiving good feelings about herself and the world from her mom. Hence, she
feels confident enough to loudly protests when her mother (the part of
herself that we might define as mother)  is missing!  Obviously, Jessica has
been meeting her baby's needs extremely well and has enabled this baby to
have enough trust in the world to demand the best!

I also agree with Patricia, that cups mixed with gentle loving and warmth
might be helpful.  For some infants,cup feeding might be seen as less
intrusive than a foreign tasting, fast flowing ((choking)) and importantly,
feeling bottle nipple.

 However, infants with what we might call, "extremely good self images",
might still refuse anything but the breast.

The demeanor of the substitute feeder is important as well. Is this person
calm, understanding and accepting of the infant's temporary sense of loss of
the important mother self? Loss is felt even if the bottle is provided by
the other parent i.e. the dad. It is important to remember that in infants'
emotional world, mothers and fathers are not seen as the same. Hence, even
if a bottle is fed by a father, the infant continues to sense of a loss of
the "mother self".

As others have mentioned, taking baby to work in a sling is of course the
best, if possible. I believe that this not only helps the maternal infant
dyad, but this action also has far reaching educational potential,
especially if the working mom works with breastfeeding families.  By nursing
in front of or together with our clients we teach positioning, mothering,
and normalize nursing in a way that can not be conveyed though any other
educational method!

Keren Epstein-Gilboa MEd,BScN,RN,LCCE,IBCLC,
PhD (Candidate)
psychotherapist

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