I'm coming in on this thread a little late, but it's been stewing
for a few days. Like another poster, I was a little bothered by
the tone of some of the replies. Granted, the behaviour does show
some major insecurities and upset, but it seems further
restrictions on nursing the toddler would just make this worse.
There has always been discussion on the range of normal with
regard to nursing duration, etc and would things be different if
there wasn't a baby in the picture? It seems that the toddler has
had to resort to some pretty drastic action to make it clear how
upset he is with the current situation.

I talked to a tandem nursing friend about this and here is her
response, which is about where I stand as well. Just another
option to consider. (Apologies if the sentences are chopped up,
can anyone help me with that problem?)
<<
I have heard the opposite suggested: have dad look after the baby
as much
as possible and only bring back to nurse; mom offers to nurse the
older one
 every few minutes; also plays with the child etc but keeps
asking him if
he wants to nurse; supposedly after a weekend of this the older
child
should be reassured enough that he might not want to nurse as
often; you're
supposed to keep doing this until the child actually refuses to
nurse. I
don't really know if it works - I didn't do this with mine. But I
do see
the point that if a child is really having a hard time giving
something up
then it's not a habit - it's a need. And establishing 'rules'
which push
him away may not be the way to go. How about nursing him *before*
he starts
getting frustrated; if mom observes she should be able to see if
he is
getting beyond what he can cope with and she can offer to nurse
him as a
pre-emptive strike. Maybe nursing him *before* the baby (if the
baby is
happily engaged)  would work better too rather than at the same
time or
making him wait till after. Perhaps limiting time at the breast
would work
better rather than refusing to nurse at all - ie. you can nurse
for a
minute then I'm going to nurse the baby and you can ____(and be
relaxed
about the minute at first; he's just learning about time).  And
then
there's the idea of finding something else that the child would
rather be
doing - are they getting out enough to playgrounds and parks? Is
this child
bored staying at home watching mom nurse the baby all day long?
Would he
like some videos/coloring books/playdough/glue crafts/new toys? I
agree
that is sounds like the 31 mos old is insecure and unhappy; I
don't agree
that the cure is to punish him for his emotional needs with more
restrictive rules. It's when children are the most obnoxious that
they need
us the most to be gentle with them.

Tandem nursing mama to 4.5 yo and 13 mo.>>

Donna Hansen
Burnaby, British Columbia
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