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Subject:
From:
"Karen Kerkhoff Gromada, MSN, RN, IBCLC" <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Mon, 13 Sep 1999 18:32:15 EDT
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I don't think it's a "weak way of thinking" when a woman says she's going to
"try to breastfeed." When working as a L & D nurse and routinely asking
expectant moms how they planned to feed their babies, I can't recall even one
primip saying, "I plan to breastfeed." Those so inclined always (and I rarely
use the word "always") said, "I'm going to try to breastfeed."

I don't think it's "weakness," but I do think we HPs, LCs, LLLLs, etc can
explore that way of thinking and perhaps help a mom reframe it. (However, I
don't recommend doing this with active labor patients!) When this statement
is made prenatally or during early postpartum, I might ask a mom what she
means by "try." Has she thought about the word "try" and how tentative it
makes her infant-feeding plan sound? What makes her think her body won't work
right, since by using that word, she's essentially implying there's a good
chance that breastfeeding will "fail"? What will she do if she experiences
some difficulty, which is fairly common, in the early weeks while she and her
baby are learning how to work together? Is there any chance that this word
could lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy?"  (This whole scenario sounds much
more "gentle" in person!)

I often get calls from moms that are breastfeeding but having difficulty
after days or weeks postpartum. Some are partially breastfeeding. Many of
them tell me during an interview, "I am trying to breastfeed." I usually ask,
"What do you mean by 'trying'? From what you've told me, you ARE
breastfeeding. There may still be a glitch or few to work out in the system,
but you are breastfeeding.This is it; this is breastfeeding."

I think fear of failure is one of the the real issues for the pervasiveness
of the use of "try to breastfeed." If a person only tries something, there's
no real loss if it doesn't work out--less chance for a negative change in
self-concept. Of course, if that was really true, so many women wouldn't then
regret early weaning. (If I had a nickel for every time I've heard a mom say,
"I wish I'd have breastfed my baby longer...")

Also, a lot of times it's HPs that introduce the word "try" word to new moms,
e.g. "Oh, you're going to try to breastfeed..." Do they/we realize that when
they/we suggest this word to moms a mom may get the idea that they/we think
she will "fail"? Now this we really should be able to help get rid of!

Thanks for bringing up this "trying" issue, Cathy! It really is one of my pet
peeves.

Karen

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