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Subject:
From:
Leslie Ayre-Jaschke / Eric Jaschke <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Thu, 20 Jun 1996 14:30:08 -0600
Content-Type:
text/plain
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text/plain (42 lines)
Jay--
Having been through the sore nipples route you really want to help this
mother avoid what you've experienced. While you've offered her much helpful
information and recommendations regarding getting some help,  she is not
receptive and you're frustrated and feeling badly. It's OK--you've done what
you can, gone beyond the call of duty, in my opinion, and she's resisting,
feeling pressured. There's a message here.

You need to just back away for a day or so and let her work on things
herself. She may not be hearing everything you want her to hear. If you were
on the phone with her for 3 hours (or did I misread that part?), that's way
too long, in my opinion. I've learned  with phone helping to listen, try to
figure out what is happening, offer a couple of suggestions, ask the mother
to try which suggestions she thinks she can cope with (and to experiment
herself), and that I'll call the next day (I also stress that if she needs
to call before this, to do so). I like to keep phone calls to under 30
minutes (and that would be a long one). I offer my services for a
consultation, but am also accepting if the mother does not wish to see me
(even though I know we could probably get things sorted out a lot better if
I could see her and the baby), unless it'sa dangerous situation (in which
case I'd refer her back to her doctor if she wouldn't come and see me).

I found that when I became less personally involved with the mothers I was
working with, I was more efffective. If you care so much that you find
yourself trying to "rescue" mothers and babies, then it's time to step away
and give the nursing couple some space. Learning not to care so much may
sound hard-hearted, but it's important if you're not going to burn out. We
can't always fix things--we can offer our expertise and support, but
ultimately those seeking our help have to take what we offer, tailor it to
their own baby, their situation and personality, and sort things out for
themselves. (And learning to allow people to find their own way has
certainly made being the mother of teens a LOT easier. I'm not busy trying
to keep them from making the same mistakes I did, because I know if I do,
they'll just go find some others to make instead!)

I hope this mother finds a way to keep breastfeeding, and who knows, you
might be pleasantly surprised with a call asking for a referral, once she
has had some time to think about all the alternatives you offered. Hang in
there, and quit with the "what if  I had onlys..."!
Leslie Ayre-Jaschke
Peace River, Alberta, Canada

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