For some of these parents, it may very well be about the parents, not
the children.  However, I suspect that there are some parents who parent
their babies in a 'distant' style because that is what someone has
convinced them is best for their babies.  Then, when the children get a
little older, the parents notice the distance between them and their
kids, and try to compensate by hovering.

Christine Bussman

[log in to unmask] wrote:
> This was Rachel Myr's title to a very good post....
>  
> <<food gets spoiled, children  suffer>>
>  
> And I don't want  to mitigate any of the other wonderful posts on this 
> topic, but something has  been sort of mulling around in my rather old  brain....
>  
> An article in  Time Magazine not too very long ago talked about the 
> "helicopter parent".   Basically it was referring to the fact that parents of today 
> -- I think I'm past  that since my baby is now 25 -- are incredibly 
> overprotective.  From buying  the latest gadget to protect them from anything from 
> scrapes on the knees when  they are crawling to running interference in 
> terms of grades on an exam or  acceptance into the college of their choice -- 
> parents are hovering at an  alarming level.
>  
> And yet we, as  lactation consultants, are seeing the opposite.  We are 
> seeing parents that  absolutely Will. Not. Hover.  Will not hold their babies 
> for fear of  spoiling.  Want their babies on a schedule (which our hospitals 
> feed into  -- "every three hours" -- but that is another rant for another  
> time).   Put babies into the nursery for the night -- "sure, go ahead,  give 
> a bottle."  Separate from the birth experience with induction,  epidurals, 
> C/Section on demand, etc etc.  
>  
> I guess my  question is -- and I'm not sure it has to do with 
> breastfeeding, but perhaps it  does.... why such a disconnect between what we are seeing 
> in the birthing room  and the hospital and the early days of 
> parenting.....and the "hovering"  behaviors of parents of preschoolers thru young  
> adulthood?
>  
> I'm afraid to  say this, but I must.  Is it because it is all about ME?  My 
> baby's  independence and ability to sleep through the night at an early age 
> prove that I  am a good parent (a la Ezzo), and later on, my *hovering* to 
> make sure my  offspring are top in everything -- sports, music, art, 
> reading, history, ivy  league nursery schools to ivy league colleges to an eminent 
> position on Wall  Street -- prove again that I am The. Best. Parent.  Ever.
>  
> Wow.  
>  
> How can we teach  our new moms and dads to just adore and love their babies 
> and children and keep  them close and then allow them the independence they 
> need without *hovering*  inappropriately.
>  
> True  confession:  I'm a grandmother, and looking back, I know that I hover 
> more  than my parents ever did.  Hopefully not inappropriately.  
>  
> And now that my  *baby* is getting married -- as the mother of the groom, I 
> have learned three  things:  "Show up, shut up, and wear beige."  But in 
> true defiant  style, the duct tape I use to keep my mouth shut will be  
> PURPLE!!
>
>
> Jan Barger, RN, MA, IBCLC, FILCA
> Lactation Education  Consultants
> _www.lactationeducation.com_ (http://www.lactationeducation.com/)  
>   

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