What a lot of issues here.  I imagine the teen mother is feeling
overwhelmed, irritable and confused.  Ditto for the teen father.  The
poor toddler is only trying to get comfort the only way h/she knows how
to and unfortunately, is being physically punished for seeking a
familiar comfort.

As for the toddler being a "holy terror," many, many children (re)act
this way when a parent returns from school or work.  Because many
children are assured of unconditional love by their parents,
particularly by their mother, they often "save" their worst behavior for
the mother because they know that no matter what they do, the mother
will always love them.

For example, toddlers in a day care or other sort of situation away from
mom are never absolutely sure that their behavior will be accepted, and
may not be assured that they will be accepted for who they are. For some
toddlers, they may refrain from expressing their worst behavior unless
they are at home. Some other toddlers will express negative behavior
quite freely at the mall, in the grocery line . . .:-)

It's a difficult sort of concept to comprehend for some, but my
understanding is that children will often release all their "worst
feelings and behaviors" in a safe place, i.e. in mom's presence.

The issue can become yet more cloudy if there is physical punishment.
All children need and seek attention.  If they cannot get positive
attention, they will seek negative attention in order to get the tiny
bit of positive attention afterward.

For example, a toddler may "purposely" hit another child to get
attention.  If the mother spanks the child, then later, feels remorseful
and showers the toddler with hugs and kisses, this moment is what the
toddler lives for.  To the toddler, it is worth the spank to get the
much needed hugs and kisses.

It sounds as if there are limit and boundary issues with both teen
parents, and they can be assured that all children need and seek
boundaries.  The teen parents can be encouraged to set reasonable limits
and to maybe attend a parenting class.

The teens may also be feeling conflict from the grandparents who may try
to parent the toddler.  If the grandparents enforce limits for the
toddler, the teen parents may want to be the "good guy" by giving in to
anything the toddler wants.  The teen parents may be competing with the
grandparents to become the toddler's "favorite."

Please keep up posted, my heart goes out to this young family.

Heidi S. Roibal, who teaches parenting classes and who sometimes yells
at her kids, only to have hubby come home and ask, are you teaching an
anger management class tonight? :-)

Perhaps this young family could benefit from being "mentored" by another
family that has successfully resolved some toddler issues.

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