Jennifer,

You shared the story of a mom who is reluctant to breastfeed after seeming so 
interested prior to birth.  Pehaps, she was traumatized by her difficult 
birth, feeling her body "failed" her and her emotions re birth are effecting her 
to such an extent that she has no reserve to handle breastfeeding.  Her blaming 
you and others for "forcing her into it" may just be a smoke screen for her 
feelings of anger and disappointment in labor and birth.  In my opinion, 
mothers who send their babies to the nursery are in essence rejecting them (even if 
temporarily) and on some level may blame the baby for a difficult/dangerous 
birth.  

I've found that moms need to talk and talk about birth, especially when the 
experience is not what they had hoped for.  Negative and angry feelings can be 
validated and spoken aloud so mom doesn't feel she's horrible for feeling 
them.  Maybe this isn't the case with this mom but if we give the benefit of the 
doubt to all moms, realizing we don't know what they've been through in their 
lives, how good their self esteem is, how supported or unsupported by spouses, 
family they are, sometimes we can be of help by validating their feelings and 
concerns.  If one has grown up never having been truly given to, one cannot 
give.

Maybe the 2 times she put baby to breast weren't "successful" and she feels 
once again her body has failed her.  The pretty pictures of joys of birthing 
and breastfeeding aren't always what women experience and then they somehow feel 
deceived.  She's fortunate to have you as her and baby's doctor so you can 
continue to work with her.  And I'm writing this as much for myself as others, 
as I sometimes question if I've listened enough when moms decide to wean.  
Thank heavens for the balance of some easier situations, though the difficult ones 
help us to grow.

Barbara Latterner, BSN, RN, IBCLC


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