Rose Marie wrote " I had two clients last Friday. Both were so appreciative
of my
>services and expressed how much it was worth the money - that made me feel
>good. Both quit nursing in less than 24 hours after they left my office.
>Now I know - especially after working with Bf women for 8 years - 1.5 years
>in private practice that I shouldn't feel guilty - they made their own
>decision but I love the challenge and I still have a goal of 100% success."
>
Don't we ALL have a goal of 100% breastfeeding. After many many years of
work with breastfeeding mothers, both as a LLLL and as and IBCLC I have had
this experience more times than I care to admit. Especially in the
beginning, (where you are now Rose Marie) before the medical community knew
me well and before mothers came to me as a result of community referrals
(friends sending friends) I mainly saw situations that were judged
impossible to resolve. ie. As a last resort we'll send them to Rhoda.
What was amazing to me was the number I was able to help NOT the number that
didn't. In ALL cases I worked to ensure that they viewed the experience as
a good one, a positive learning experience. If you can't rescue this
breastfeeding experience maybe you can ensure the next one is better. I
know this doesn't help the gut level grief you feel when a situation that
LOOKS good on the outside, looks achievable, just doesn't work out. Perhaps
it is what drives us to become better. I certainly know for myself I always
wondered what I hadn't done, what I should have known. It ensured the drive
for knowledge and experience and keeps me humble. All too often it is what
we don't know in the mother's experience that leads to her decision to wean.
As a result WE have to realize that the responsibility for the decision is
not ours. That means letting go of the sadness as well. How many of us
have counselled 2 women at the same time, one with a relatively minor
problem and one with a serious long term problem that requires super woman
effort. Many many times it is the woman with what appears to be a minor
problem that weans -- and we may NEVER really understand the motivation
behind the weaning. We don't live the mother's life, and are the outside
observer. If, when the woman chooses to wean, she views us in a positive
manner and breastfeeding as an achievable goal that just didn't work out
this time, maybe she'll come to us earlier next time -- maybe she'll send
her friends as soon as they start to have problems. It also helps to
remember that sometimes the goal posts need to be lowered. In a young infant
every day and every week of breastfeeding is an improvement. Sometimes the
obtainable goalpost is initiation of breastfeeding and maintainance for a
month -- and an acceptance of others who choose to brfd longer.
Rose Marie, I can't begin to know why the mothers you describe
thought the situations you describe would improve with weaning, but I can
empathize with your feelings of sadness and uncertainty. As has been
mentioned in previous posts you may want to contact the moms again in a week
or two, just to see how things are going, to let them know you are concerned
for them beyond the breastfeeding. Chances are you'll learn more about
their decisions. If we are in this battle for the long haul we need to
ensure we think of our relationships with mothers in the same way. A quick
contact or two after a consult even if the moms don't take our advice, (only
if the mom is open to it of course) can teach us a lot about our knowledge
level and their situations. As we all know it isn't enough to have the
technical information right. We have to have the people information right too.
Good Luck Rose Marie, hang in there!
Rhoda -- from the big island off the west coast of Canada
"Without interest and passion, nothing great has ever happened in history."
G.W. Hegel
Rhoda Taylor, B.A., IBCLC ph 604-748-4945
3346 Glacier St fax 604-748-2743
Duncan, B.C. e-mail [log in to unmask]
Canada, V9L 3Z8
|
