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From:
Karleen gribble <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Wed, 4 Feb 2015 23:25:13 +1100
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Absolutely brilliant post Heather. Thank you.
Karleen Gribble
Australia

Sent from my iPad

> On 4 Feb 2015, at 10:36 pm, heather <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> 
> I agree, Petra.
> 
> I have long abandoned that phrase, because I have seen the effect of it.
> 
> It is really pointless to argue about whether 
> it's true that we can 'make' people feel 'guilty' 
> or not....so what if the 
> guilt/sadness/bitterness/anger may be mostly 
> internal?   I think there is a lot we have yet to 
> discover about the psychodynamics, the 
> psychosomatics, and the endocrinology of not 
> breastfeeding and/or early weaning.
> 
> Whatever. Women struggling with breastfeeding, 
> women who have struggled with breastfeeding, may 
> well be *hurting*.
> 
> The idea that  if they are hurting, it's not our 
> fault because all we do is tell the truth,  and 
> they need to man up and handle it.....well, it 
> may not be our 'fault' but we can certainly add 
> to their hurt, by appearing to judge, criticise, 
> compare or belittle....or do anything that could 
> be interpreted as this.
> 
> Yes, I have heard from women who are *hurting* 
> who interpret a casual glance as a critical 
> appraisal; from women who are in emotional pain 
> buried under layers of defiance,  who interpret a 
> ban on formula advertising as a *direct and 
> personal* judgment on their feeding method.  In 
> the UK, you are not permitted to get loyalty 
> points in  stores on infant formula - quite 
> right, too. But women who are hurting think the 
> fact they don't get the equivalent of one penny 
> off a £10 pack of formula is a direct and 
> personal judgment on them :(
> 
> I hear from women who say 'the midwife yelled at 
> me/told me I mustn't love my baby very much/said 
> my baby would get diabetes/ etc etc'....and I 
> really cannot believe there are HCPs who are like 
> that, but that's what women in pain interpret 
> what they experience.
> 
> We are in the highly sensitive and priveleged 
> position of being with women while they negotiate 
> their feelings around feeding.
> 
> It is essential that we think carefully about 
> what we say and how we say it, and how it might 
> possibly come across to someone **in pain**, and 
> often, blaming themselves for personal failure.
> 
> None of this means we deny or minimise the 
> potential health impact of feeding decisions. 
> None of it means we should say 'it doesn't matter 
> what sort of milk your baby has, all that counts 
> is your baby is fed'  and all the rest of the 
> supposedly comforting words we could say if we 
> knew no better.
> 
> We can be honest, truthful, open and kind, 
> recognising that we maybe should tread on egg 
> shells for the sake of someone's self-esteem as a 
> mother. We should avoid any suggestion of shaming 
> or judging - and boy oh boy, that means learning 
> to be  very, very careful about verbal language, 
> body language, tone of voice, every aspect of our 
> interaction.
> 
> Heather Welford Neil
> NCT bfc, tutor, UK
> 
> 
> 
>> Language is a powerfull tool and the sentence 
>> 'Breast is Best' is in my opinion emotional 
>> black mailing. I have yet to meet a parent who 
>> was not hurt by it, when they had tried all they 
>> knew (or been told) and things were just not 
>> working for a variety of reasons.
>> 
>> I would love this 'Breast is Best' sentence not 
>> to be used anymore, as I don't think anyone has 
>> the right to hurt, induce quilt or blame a 
>> parent.
>> 
>> My 2 cents worth.
>> 
>> Petra Hoehfurtner
>> IBCLC
>> LLLeader
>> Stillbirth and Bereavement Doula
>> Gestalt Counsellor
>> Tongue Tie Release
>> 
>> On 04/02/2015 5:00 AM, LACTNET automatic digest system wrote:
>> 
>> 
>> Date:    Tue, 3 Feb 2015 17:40:35 -0600
>> From:    Ginger Chun <[log in to unmask]>
>> Subject: Re: Feeding Babies and Green Hair
>> 
>> But saying "Breast is Best" or "Normalize Breastfeeding' is not tearing
>> some one down.
>> 
>> ~ Ginger Chun
>> 
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> 
> 
> -- 
> http://www.heatherwelford.co.uk
> 
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