I really want to thank Jennifer for her post. I loved reading about your adoption! I am not surprized that your mother didn't know breastfeeding was possible. There were adoptive mothers doing it, but the only ones I know of were already active with LLL or involved in the whole natural childbirth issue. I can only think of one who had not already breastfed bio babies. I understand your mom's disappointment in learning that she missed out on it. However, I think she could take comfort in knowing that she raised you to be such a nurturing, caring, person. Goodness, I would say that the good mothering that she gave you blesses the lives of not only your children, but your patients, daily!
I have always felt pretty disappointed that I was not able to establish a long-term relationship or significant milk supply with my first two sons, 21 and 18 years ago. However, I do appreciate the fact that I at least knew enough to be able to do some comfort/bonding time at the breast. I know that there were a lot more mothers who adopted in that time period who found less information than I did, than they were who found more. Believe it or not, I still meet mothers who have adopted in recent years, and had never heard a thing about adoptive nursing so, even though there is a lot more information out there now than there was before, it is still not very prevalent.
I also appreciate hearing of your patients who have taken encouragement from knowing that there are adoptive moms who breastfeed. I have had many moms tell me that they were encouraged just to know that I was nursing my adopted babies. I will never forget one, who came to a LLL meeting, pregnant with her fourth baby. Through tears, she told about how much she had wanted to nurse her first three babies, and how she had always ended up bottlefeeding, by the time they were a week old. Someone had talked her into coming to the meeting. She said she had arrived with very little hope of things turning out any different with the new baby than they had with the first three. When she saw me hoist my precious little, roly-poly, transracially adopted son, Joseph, to my breast, it caught her eye, immediately. I showed her my Lact-Aid and explained that I did not have a "full" milk supply, but that Joseph was getting a significant amount of breast milk, was very healthy, and that we both loved breastfeeding. As the meeting progressed, we talked about some of her specific concerns, and tried to identify some specific things that added to her problems with her other babies. By the end, she had a plan for having her husband watch the baby every minute she was not present, to make sure that he would not be given any bottles or pacifiers. Before she left, she told me that seeing me nursing Joseph really helped her feel encouraged. The next meeting, she was there with her 2 week old, totally breastfed son, and she was just thrilled! The last time I saw her, he was about six months old, having no bottles, and just starting with solids. I felt very honored to have had the opportunity of helping her find the confidence she needed to be able to succeed!
Darillyn
"I find that mentioning adoptive breastfeeding to my patients who are working
on building/rebuilding a milk supply, teaching a baby to latch well, or
otherwise working through a breastfeeding problem sometimes is very
inspiring. Moms seem to feel that if an adoptive mom can build a milk
supply without the benefit of the hormonal pattern of pregnancy and
delivery, than surely they can build a milk supply. Also, talking about the
non-nutritive benefits of breastfeeding often helps moms who don't have a
full milk supply to feel good about nursing their babies. Many moms say
that they had no idea that adoptive moms could breastfeed, and that knowing
that makes them feel hopeful that they'll be able to do it if even adoptive
moms can do it.
I also try to mention adoptive breastfeeding if I know a mom will be
adopting. So far, I haven't had a one express any interest, but you never
know.
I myself was adopted at 11 weeks of age and formula fed with bottles. I
don't remember, of course, but from talking to my mom and other family
members, I know my mom had strong attachment parenting leanings from the
beginning, and I know I was bottle-fed in a very loving way. My mom never
knew anyone who breastfed until I was nursing my own first child. At first
she was tended to worry endlessly that my son wasn't getting enough milk,
and that he wanted to nurse "all the time." Over the years, though, she has
come to really appreciate the nursing relationship I've had with all of my
children, and is the first to suggest that maybe the baby needs to nurse for
any problem. She's even become an advocate, and will tell pregnant ladies
about her daughter who breastfeeds. Somehow, in all these years, we'd never
discussed adoptive breastfeeding until quite recently. She was so surprised
to find out that adoptive moms can breastfeed and said "You mean I could
have breastfed you and no one ever told me?" She talked about how much she
has enjoyed watching the close, intimate relationship I've had with my
babies and feels she missed that. I've always been close to my mom and
never dreamed that she'd feel like she missed out on something. Even all
these years later, it was upsetting to her to find out that she didn't know
breastfeeding was a possibility for her. After her comments, I've been even
more determined to mention the possibility of adoptive breastfeeding to
anyone I know who is adopting. Whatever their decision, at least they'll
never have to say 30+ years later "why was I never told?""
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