Hello Vicki,

I just wanted to thank you for your post. For me, it really expresses  
why gentle birth/breastfeeding/upbringing are so vital to the  
"greater picture".

There is a lot of food for thought.

Celia Fuentes
Montreal, Quebec


On 2-Dec-07, at 8:41 PM, LACTNET automatic digest system wrote:
>
> ------------------------------
>
> Date:    Sun, 2 Dec 2007 09:23:43 -0500
> From:    vicki & ryan hayes <[log in to unmask]>
> Subject: "why men leave" article/ gentle birth
>
> in keeping with the recent discussion of gentle birth, following is  
> an =
> excerpt from an article, "why men leave" by john travis m.d., that  
> was =
> sent for discussion on the email board in one of the two attachment =
> parenting groups I'm in (one an hour north in Savannah GA and one an =
> hour south in Jacksonville FL, since Brunswick, doesn't seem to have =
> alot of AP types). the link to the original article is =
> www.kindredmedia.com.au/library_page1/why_men_leave/60/1. I  
> explored the =
> website, for "kindred" magazine. fascinating.
>
> "....Sourcing the Pain
>
> I was born in the farmlands of western Ohio in 1943. Like most  
> babies =
> born in those days, I was drugged (via my mother's general=20
> anesthetic, which took weeks to wear off), dragged out of the womb  
> with =
> cold, metal forceps, grasped by sticky rubber gloves, and=20
> plunged into bright lights-instead of being gently greeted with warm =
> hands in subdued light. I was doubtless held upside down to drain  
> my=20
> lungs (I'm not sure if I was slapped or not, but that was the norm  
> of =
> the day). Stinging silver nitrate was put in my eyes. I was wrapped=20
> in cold, scratchy fabrics instead of being allowed to mold my skin =
> against the warm skin of the person with whom I'd been intimately
> connected for nine months. A little while later, I was taken to the =
> nursery where I was placed in a plastic box beside Carol D., born=20
> earlier that day. I spent my next 10 days there (the norm for the  
> early =
> '40s). I was given a cold, rubber nipple with a bottle of a=20
> fatty, antigenic substance instead of the miracle food that three =
> million years of evolution had prepared for me.
>
> Then, a day or so later, I was immobilized on a board and the  
> majority =
> of the most sensitive nerve endings of my penis were=20
> amputated. Then followed the standard "normative abuse" parenting =
> practices of the 1940s:
> 1) artificial baby milk-probably Carnation or Pet Evaporated Milk,
> 2) a four-hour bottle schedule (I got hungry every three hours and  
> cried =
> that last hour, until I learned it was no use and made a=20
> decision about the world that is so basic to my brain's neural =
> organization that it still impacts almost everything I do-Asking  
> for=20
> what I want doesn't work-my needs will never be met.),=20
> 3) restraint in a crib or playpen,
> 4) deprivation of the continual movement of being carried in-arms,
> 5) sleeping alone in a separate room.
>
> Most of these 'improvements' were devised by men propagating, in the =
> name of 'modern child rearing practices,' untested 'scientific'=20
> ideas, all of which have since been proven to be destructive to  
> human =
> bonding. I don't blame my or other parents of that age: they=20
> naturally followed the cultural winds, and the promise of science  
> and =
> technology to cure the world's ills was, in 1943, still an=20
> untarnished vision.
>
>> From the very beginning, I used depression as my primary defense  
>> against =
> recognizing my inability to get my nurturing needs met. While=20
> my primary defense appears outwardly as depression-closing down my =
> senses and feelings by withdrawing into my head-it's just one of a=20
> standard set of defenses that unbonded children/adults cling to in  
> their =
> attempts to escape the pain of the early needs deprivation that=20
> still eats away at them. Other defenses include addiction, violence, =
> chronic illness, and ecocide (destruction of the environment)-=20
> symptoms of what James Prescott named Somato-Sensory Affectional =
> Deprivation Syndrome (SSADS) in his early bonding research.
>
> I created a "safe" world in my head that allowed me a sense of  
> control =
> (since I had no control over being fed, touched, or held). The fact=20
> that I was disconnected from the matrix of my life by being isolated =
> from others, most especially my mother, limited my ability to  
> express=20
> my needs and get them met-hence the periodic depressions. No one =
> recognized my depressions, including me, until I was in college-
> people just thought I was "quiet."
>
> My condition is not atypical of most men alive today who were  
> raised by =
> 'modern' cultural standards. One friend, though raised in=20
> California, was fortunate in that his mother was from South  
> America. He =
> was breastfed well past age two and has always seemed happier than=20
> any other person I know....."
>
> vicki hayes rn ibclc in brunswick ga
> mom of sean (sept 2000), harrison (sept 2003), and lachlan (march  
> 2006)
> www.myspace.com/that_username_is_taken
>

             ***********************************************

Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask]
COMMANDS:
1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail
2. To start it again: set lactnet mail
3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome