Debra-I always suggest to moms in this type of situation to keep a diary of  
his visits, activities during his visit, his mood, his outbursts, etc. 
Whenever  he has an angry outburst, she needs to call the police and file a 
complaint. She  needs to document all witnesses, etc. She also needs to get a custody 
order for  her, and be sure the judge knows he does not pay child support  
consistently.  The best interest of the baby is to have a father that pays  
support, and is kind and loving to the baby and respectful to the baby's  mother.  
When and if a custody plan is established, be sure the plan  provides for 
activities with dad, and that the judge sees that you are not being  hostile or 
using the baby as a weapon, and that you want the baby to have   a loving 
relationship with his dad. You can set up a schedule with increasingly  longer 
periods with dad as the baby becomes more independent. Be sure dad is  involved in 
the everyday care of the baby. He needs to attend parenting classes,  take the 
baby to the Ped for visits, take the baby for developmentally  appropriate 
activities, be active in bathing, reading stories, cleaning up  diapers etc Dad 
also needs to know how to keep the house clean and sanitary.He  also needs to 
know how to shop for baby supplies, and maneuver in public with a  baby. It may 
be helpful to have a social worker work with the dad on his  parenting 
skills, child safety and health education, etc.
I have found in some custody cases, that if you get a plan of action  
established, which includes Dad in many of the everyday activities of parenting,  he 
loses interest because he was just interested in a power play.
 
Barbara Whitehead, BS, IBCLC, RLC
eastern NC

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