In re-reading my post I saw that it could seem judgemental of this mom.  I
didn't mean to be.  Just as most of us have been in Stephanie's place, many
of us have also been in the mom's place.  We need to be compassionate and
understanding with others (and ourselves) when we desire what, in the long
run, is not good for us. We're never finished in our learning.

I once told some friends in jest, (with also some honesty) that I would
find my life meaningful if I could spend the rest of it carrying Joan
Borysenko's luggage. You don't have to know Joan to understand what I
meant. However I know that my potential would be limited if I had that
"honor", even if I achieved massive upper-body strength in the doing.:)

We can lovingly accept where a person is and still not acquiesce to their
requests when it doesn't seem right for us or them. It is like the 3 year
old who is in love with his mother and pushes Dad away when he gives her a
hug.  We don't judge him because we know that that is normal and healthy
for his stage of development. Instead, we guide him lovingly to grow toward
more satisfying love affairs.

I heard this idea about the role of admiration in our growth as humans.
Admiration of another comes as a reflection on those same undeveloped
attributes in ourselves.  It calls us to be who we can be.  We sell
ourselves short if we say, "Oh, I could never do (or be) like her!"  Food
for thought.

Patricia Gima, IBCLC
Milwaukee
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