Jeanette Panchula wrote,

>Hopefully, you also develop a way, through a quick, informal phone call:
>"you know, I just saw ____ and found that NOW I found ____." (after getting
>a signed release from her, of course)  
>
>...
>
>Remember for ALL situations - our criticism of others often reflects more
>poorly on us than on those we criticize (how does she know you won't speak
>badly of HER once she leaves?).  
>
>  
>
Over the years, I have discovered all kinds of reasons to communicate as 
Jeanette has suggested. One is that, as she says, *you* will have more 
credibility if you do not criticize other people. Another is that no 
approach I have ever used is right for every mother -- that means that 
even approaches we feel are wrong (combining breast and bottle, not 
feeding colostrum...) may be right for a particular mother -- and she 
gets to choose. A third is that the mother will see that there are a 
range of approaches, with varying amounts of evidence or justification, 
and be encouraged to be flexible in her own approach to breastfeeding 
and parenting -- that is, you can try A or B or hey, I just thought of 
C. We want the mother to be able to figure out her own solutions once 
we're no longer there to channel the information into categories of 
right and wrong. Fourth, it is pedagogically sound to build on the 
positive; all messages can be communicated effectively without 
criticizing or becoming negative, and if you are enthusiastic, happy, 
supportive the mother will integrate the information much more 
effectively. And, finally, it is just the right way to treat people.

The "things have changed, now" approach also works really well with 
grandmothers. "Yes, when you were raising your children they believed 
that feeding them every four hours was best; now they've found out that 
most babies won't get enough milk that way. Interesting, eh?" And for 
those of us who raised our children in different times, it's a good way 
to stop beating ourselves up -- "well, I just didn't know that." 
Jo-Anne

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