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Subject:
From:
"Jessica Harrison Carlyon, CLE" <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Thu, 31 Jan 2002 15:25:47 EST
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Jennifer:

I have run across several moms who want to schedule feed their breastfed
babies.  (I have yet to know a mom whose schedule worked out with
breastfeeding though!  They ALWAYS end up supplementing and eventually
quitting.)  There is a popular program (especially here in the South where I
live) called Growing Kids God's Way.  (Maybe you've already heard of it.)
This program advocates scheduled feedings as a part of obeying the will of
God and teaching discipline and obedience to one's children.  Maybe this
woman believes in that system.  When this issue comes up for me, this is
usually how I approach it:

"So, Jane, I see you want to breastfeed--that's great!  You must be looking
forward to that!  I read here that you would like to feed on a schedule also.
 Can you talk to me about some of the reasons why you have chosen to schedule
feed? " [Jane tells me.  Based on what she tells me, I might approach the
situation a number of different ways; but I usually validate and re-state
back to her what I think I heard her say.  Then, I follow up with the
following dialogue.]

"Okay, I think I understand your reasoning.  It sounds like you've given this
a lot of thought and want to do the best by your baby.  I want you to know,
Jane, that I support a woman's right to choose what works best for her and
her baby; so I, in no way, want you to feel demeaned or judged here.  As your
doula (childbirth educator/lactation educator/etc.) I take seriously my job
to inform my clients as fully as possible as to all the information out there
so that they can make the best decisions for themselves.  If you're open to
hearing some things, I would like to share some info about breastfeeding that
might help you have the best chance for success in your breastfeeding
relationship.  Can I share with you?"

I have rarely had a woman turn me down at this point.  So then I try and
share some facts about schedule feeding, weight gain rates, and breastfeeding
rates.  I usually give a printout of the AAP breastfeeding statements too.  I
try and end on a positive note by closing with the following: "Okay, Jane.  I
know I've thrown a lot of stuff at you.  You probably want to think about it.
 I just want to tell you that I will be here if you want to talk about it
further at any time.  Again, I want to tell you that I support your right to
make your own choices; and I do not judge you--whatever decision you make."
It all sounds so easy when I type it out, but this is usually a VERY HARD
conversation for me!  This, by far, is the MOST emotionally difficult issue
for me in relation to breastfeeding.

The bottomline in these situations (in my humble opinion) is that if a woman
feels our heart and our love, she will probably be open.  I will honestly say
that, in my experience, not every woman changes her mind.  I have had maybe a
30% success rate in getting women to be less rigid about a schedule, while
the other 70% will staunchly stand behind their decision.  The trick for me
is to remember that I really do believe in every woman's right to make the
choices that are right for her and her baby and sometimes that means she
won't make the same choices I would.  BUT, that means I can let go of feeling
responsible for her if I give her the right to choose.

I know I'm preaching to the choir, and I also know you already know all this
and probably could've typed this email yourself!  Sometimes it just helps
(for me anyway) for someone else to validate what I already know.  So I
attempt to do that here for you.  Maybe there are some of my statements that
you could add to your conversation and might help you with this particular
mom too.  Good luck, Jennifer!

Jessica Harrison Carlyon, CD, CLE

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